After Mom's Passing - An Encounter at the Same Store

Mom passed February 20, 2010.   She was 77 years old.   Three and a half months after Dad died.  So many folks said to me.........   It happens like that, one goes and then the other goes quickly.  
Let me be VERY clear on this, Mom had no intention of joining Dad this quickly.   She purchased a brand new car in early January.   She had a bus trip booked with some of her bingo lady friends to a casino for sometime here in March.    She was grieving Dad's passing in her own way, but she also felt a new found freedom being a widow.  She had even ordered some new furniture for her living room.

The hardest part about Mom's passing was that the day she fell back in
January, she was at
the VA taking care of the last of Dad's paper work from
his death.   The sidewalk was clear, no ice or snow, but it was raised and
she caught her foot on a crack.   The law in Ohio is such that a
raised sidewalk has to be I believe the lawyer said 3 inches before you have
any case.  
Her fall caused a brain injury and then in Feb she had 2 brain
surgeries.    She was home for a little over 24 hours and she had a cardiac
event.   Then it was 3 days later we removed her from the life support when
we knew the extent of her brain damage.

Mom was buried on February 26th.     On Monday March 1st I called my friend Tanya and said.......                  
'I need some Tanya time, are you available' ?     She was and said ....  'What do you want to do' ?

I said.....  'I'm not sure, I'll just be by to pick you up at such and such a time'. 

On the drive to Tanya's I had an ..... URGE to go to that same religious store that I had visited after Dad's passing in November.
Let me give you just a little background before I get on to the story. 
Tanya is my close dear friend who I have known for well over 11 years.   We met when she started watching our youngest Kevin.    Tanya's oldest granddaughter Abbey is coming on 5 years old next month.  
Ever since I was a very small child our parents took us to a Catholic Shrine in Carey Ohio.   The shrine is called ....   Our Lady of Consolation.    My last visit there was in the summer of 2008 when I took Mom and Dad there.    Google Maps says it's 128 miles from my house, but just to give you an idea that it's not a place that is in our neighborhood.   :)

So after I picked up Tanya, I said....  I would really like to stop at this store and it's not all that far from your place here. 

We pulled up to the store and parked.   As we started towards the door, we could see a very tiny black dog inside waiting at the door to greet us.    I said.... OMG, look it's a tiny dog.We walked in the door and just to our left was the owner Patrick.    He was sitting at a table
and he appeared to be doing some sort of paper work.     The dog followed us over to Patrick and I said to him..... 'OMG, I have never seen this little dog here before'.    I guess I asked him where did you get him.   

Patrick proceeded to say..........'She came from Carey Ohio'.    I stopped him and said....'The Shrine there in Carey" ?     He said yes.    'I have a friend there named 'DEB'.
She had bought the dog as a gift for her friend Tanya.     Tanya did not realize exactly how much work a tiny puppy was going to be.    With her work schedule it was just too much to keep the little dog.    Patrick proceeded to say that he and his wife adopted her from Tanya, over 2 years ago.    Patrick said that Tanya's young daughter was SO VERY upset at having to lose the dog, they decided to name the puppy after the daughter.....  'Her name is Abbey'.  

WOW........... WOW.......................   All the connections were just WAY too much to be some sort of a coincidence.      I explained to Patrick how very special the shrine at Carey was to my family.     We told him of the name connections.    He said he was definitely going to related the story to DEB, the next time he visited there.  AND.............. the morning I headed out with Tanya, I had a NUDGE to grab my camera and take it with me.    Now, I do frequently take my camera, but it's not like I grab it every time I walk out my door. 

Here is a photo of Tanya and Abbey from that morning:

Sometime after our visit there on March 1st.     I came across this photo of my Dad, my older bro David and myself.    It was taken in September of 1959.     David was almost 3 and I would have been about 18 months old.    Dad would have been 29.   Obviously Mom was taking the photo.
Our youngest bro, Mike was born in June of 1960.   
HE MIGHT have been there too depending on the exact time of conception.   LOL

Our Lady of Consolation Shrine - LINK


My bro David was hugging me THEN.... As he has been now after Mom's death.  ;)
 

For me.............   Just a few more of the GOD WINKS from the other side.

So VERY comforting indeed. 

They Do Speak, Just Be Open to Listen

Dad passed November 5, 2009.    Up until the Spring of last year, at 78 years old, Dad had been working as a WalMart greeter.   A position he held for 14 years since his retirement from grocery store retail management. He worked approximately 35-38 hours a week.    In April Dad had some ischemic strokes, other wise referred to as mini strokes.    He was hospitalized, but released.    He was doing out patient therapy.   He was not majorly impaired from the strokes.    In July he fell and broke 5 ribs.    He never returned home after that fall.The day after Dad's burial on November 11th, I just felt the need to go to the cemetery.    I don't particularly have an attachment to cemeteries, as I feel the soul-spirit does not reside there, still something drew me to plan to go there that day.    My drive to the cemetery is under 20 minutes.   On the way there, I had intended to stop at a local religious store.    The morning had gotten away from me and time was running short for Kevin to be home from school.    I knew he had not taken his house key that morning, so I had  a specific time to be home.    As I back out of my drive, I decided to nix the religious store and just go on to his grave site.While driving down the street where I would pass by the religious store I had a BOOMING message.....

'YOU NEED TO STOP THERE' !!!!!!!

Not being one to ignore biggie messages like that, I figured ... OKAY, I better stop.   :)I walked into the store intending to walk back to the area where some pocket coins are kept.   As soon as I walked in the door, from my peripheral vision on my right side, I saw a woman at the cashier's desk.    I did not actually turn to view her, but instantly I heard her voice and then stopped.     As I stopped to look her way, she also looked towards me.    It was Lynn, a RN who had taken care of Dad at a local hospital during one of his many stays that past year.    Lynn was no ordinary RN.   She really bonded with Dad.    Even so much as coming to the nursing home to visit him there.    In the last few weeks of Dad's life, the frustration of his bodily limitations had taken a great toll on him.    He was not really up for some visitors.   Lynn had sensed that on her last trip to see Dad, and she had decided it was best not to drop in on him.   
Still, Mom had kept in touch with her by phone.    After Dad's passing we had not gotten Lynn notified.    She walked up to me with a huge smile and arms extended for a hug.  

She then said........  'How's your Dad doing' ?     I informed her that we had just buried him the day before.   She was visibly shaken and upset to tears at the news.   Lynn and Dad had shared their faith with one another, and after his months of suffering, I explained we were at peace with his passing.      

These pocket coins that I was there to pick up that day are ones that I keep giving away to folks I meet who seem to be in need of something to uplift them. 

I knew exactly WHY I was led to the store that day.     The timing is out of this world.  

The key is listening and acting on the messages that come to you.   :)

NOW.......... I have a story about the same religious store after Mom passed in February.  
I'm going to make a second post about that one.  

~ * ~ GLORIA IN EXCELSIS DEO ~ * ~

My posting this message was inspired by Deb Call over at

Spirit in Gear.  

She wrote a post yesterday........  Early Christmas Visitor Brings Joy

Unlike any Christmas season preceding this one, I face my first holiday
celebration without either of my parents.  We lost Mom less than 2
years ago, and Dad passed away 3 months ago.  My siblings and I attempt
to put on a brave face, while feeling trepidation at
facing Christmas with the empty spaces left by our parents.      Jump over to Deb's site to read the rest............

   Early Christmas Visitor Brings Joy

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

~ * ~     GLORIA IN EXCELSIS DEO    ~ * ~

Dad always knew that Mother was the ROCK and she continues
to be a source of inspiration to all of us.    Mom made the transition to being alone
in their home when Dad fell on July 9th and broke those 5 ribs.  

Dad suffered so greatly in the last months of his life, his passing was a blessing for him and us.    I know, one does not often think of a death as a blessing, but considering how limited his life was, it really was a comfort to us knowing he is …….. AT PEACE.

On Thursday November 5th he passed at 2:10pm.     He was at Anna Maria
nursing home in Aurora.   All the family gathered there on the 4th.   
Grandchildren too.
My Mom and brother Mike spent Wednesday night there.   

On November 5th my Mother and  bro Michael and his wife BethAnn were there.  
Along with my Dad’s brother, Rollin… and myself were there when he passed.

Above Dad’s bed, I had hung a picture of an Angel.    This was a photograph of an
angel that hangs on the wall in my parent’s home.  
The angel is about 24 inches tall.   It was a gift many years ago from my Dad’s brother,
Wayne who died in 1971 at the age of 37.   
 
Above the angel on the banner it reads…   Gloria in Excelsis Deo

It was about 10 or 15 minutes after Dad had died when I looked up at the angel.
I HEARD…………. 

GLORIA in EXCELSIS DEO     …….

  I not only heard it once, but I heard it at least
4 times.    Each time the words just boomed in my mind louder and louder and so totally
FULL OF JOY. 

~ * ~     GLORIA IN EXCELSIS DEO    ~ * ~


~ * ~     GLORIA IN EXCELSIS DEO    ~ * ~


~ * ~     GLORIA IN EXCELSIS DEO    ~ * ~

I can hardly begin to describe the joy.     I know it was a message from my Dad.
His SPIRIT SINGING as he met with Jesus and his dearest family and his dearest angels. 

The peace that this brought me then, and throughout the wake and funeral and  even now I can only explain as a great blessing. !!!

As this holiday season approaches to all of you who have lost dear loved ones…..


Although we grieve because they are not with us, we must
remember their JOY  at being in total peace.

~ * ~     GLORIA IN EXCELSIS DEO    ~ * ~

(Glory to God in the Highest)

 

My January Cemetery Trip And Another Message

On the Morning of January 17th of this year, I had not planned on making
a trip to the cemetery where Jimmy's Grandmother, and my dear friend
Antoinette's husband Larry is buried, but I had a ~nudge~ to GET THERE. 

The weather was in the 20's and a small amount of snow was on the ground.

I did not think about the snow and wonder IF it was covering the grave stones.
Looking back, I am glad it did not cross my mind, I might have decided not to
go thinking I could not locate the grave of Jimmy's Grandmother.
The reason I thought that Larry and Grandma J might be close to one another
was that they had passed less than 6 months of each other in 2006.

As I got into my car, I had the nudge to turn the radio on.   This was more than just my routine of always turning on the radio, I felt there would be a message in a song.    During the drive to the cemetery, I kept flipping radio stations. I was about 2 minutes from the cemetery when I flipped to a channel that was playing the song..........'How Far Is Heaven?" by the Lost Lonely Boys !!!

THAT WAS IT.......... that was the song I was meant to hear.  :))

 

All Saints Cemetery is set on a beautiful piece of property.   There are softly rolling hills and a small pond.    Upon turning in the driveway, I was blasted with
a message......  The Pond - The Pond - The Pond.    There are graves around the
pond, and for a second I thought about stopping there to look around.   With the
snow covering, I decided to head right to Larry's grave.    I parked my car, closed
the door and took 2 steps.   I then decided to turn back and grab my camera.
I brought the camera to snap some shots of Grandma J's grave to send to Jimmy.

Larry died in November of 2006.    The day of his burial was a sunny, crisply cool November day.   Antoinette and Larry had their 25th wedding anniversary in October of 2006.   Although their union was not blessed with children, they had a wonderful blessed marriage.    That November day, the priest was at the head of the grave saying prayers.    Near the end of the grave service, a huge flock of Canadian Geese flew overhead.   You could softly hear the honking as they approached, and then as they were right over head, the honking was so loud it drowned out the priest's voice, to the point where he had to stop talking.

A round of light laughter could be heard from the gathering of family and friends.
Larry was not Catholic, but Antoinette is.... looking back I've often thought it was
Larry's way of saying....... OKAY wrap it UP !!!!    It will always be a very fond memory
for all who were there that day.

Most of the grave stones are level with the ground, but there are thin wooden crosses on many of the graves.    As I walked the short distance to Larry's grave, I glanced down at this name on the stone, and then grabbed ahold of the corner of the wooden cross with my right hand.   

INSTANTLY.............. I felt this surge that rose up from the bottom of my feet.
It almost took my breath away and then I heard.........
"Antoinette needs to know EVERYTHING IS OKAY".  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I burst into tears and thought........  I will tell her. My mind was racing, but I thought Larry's message must have meant he was okay with Antoinette and a fella that she has been dating. 

Just then, I heard a faint sound of geese.   I instinctively I grabbed my camera
from my pocket.    Looking up, I saw geese flying in formation right towards me.
I started snapping right away.    I only had time to get 2 pictures, when the geese
flew directly overhead and then immediately off to my right.

AS IF I was not crying enough..... the geese just blew me away.   "OKAY LARRY, I'll be SURE and let her know". !!!!!!!!!!!!!!      'Thank You' .. 'Thank You'   I quietly thought.

I walked ahead to the next row where Antoinette's Mom and Dad are buried and
said a prayer.   I then started to walk around and  glance down at the grave stones
hopeful that I would locate Jimmy's Grandmother.   The wind was whipping over
the open area, and within a distance of 20 feet or so, I was not finding it.

OKAY.......... I need to go back to my car and call Jimmy. 

Thankfully, I was able to get through to Jimmy.   I let him know where I was.
He was SHOCKED to say the least that I was at All Saints Cemetery.   I said,
I had to go there for him, because he could not.   

Jimmy directed me back towards the entrance.   Again I had to pass by the pond, and felt such a HUGE feeling, but her grave was not near there.  He got me to a location and I parked my car.   He said 3 rows up, and a certain distance from the street.   He was guessing from only having been to the grave a few times.     I walked a distance of about 20 graves to my left and I spotted her name.........

"I see it Jimmy, I see it"  --- again I burst into tears.... AS did Jimmy.

I bent down and touched the corner.   I said to him, I am touching the corner
of her stone.    Through his tears Jimmy said.......... 'THANK YOU DEB"....
"THANK YOU DEB"..... I let him know I was taking some pictures. 
We talked about his Grandma for just a few minutes and he said to me....

"You know........... My Dad is buried there too...   He's across from the pond"

ZING --------- ZING.......... The Pond  The Pond.....   No WONDER I felt such a draw to that area.    He directed me to his Dad's grave too.   

Well, the day did not end right there.    Even though I felt such a huge peaceful
feeling, for Jimmy and also from having the message from Larry.

I got home, uploaded the photos sent an email of them to Antoinette and
then called her at work.    I said......... Ann, I was at the cemetery today.
She said........ "Larry's grave?"   And I said yes............   She said....
"Ohhhhhhhh Deb, and then she burst into tears".   

I said....... 'Ohhh honey, let me tell you what happened at the cemetery I told her the story of his message.........

"Antoinette needs to know EVERYTHING IS OKAY"

Through on going tears she told me that just that morning, she had heard back from the  loan department of the bank she works at.   She was attempting to take out a home  equity loan to redo her basement.   They contacted her to say there was a snag.   Larry's name was still on the title.    They faxed her a copy of the title.   She told me looking at the title a feeling of great sadness came over her.   

Ohhhhhhhhhh MY...... did Larry's message to her EVER take on a new meaning.
He was coming through to let her know, going ahead and doing what she had
to do, (removing his name from the title) was OKAY. 

IF you've made it all the way down here........... Thanks for sticking around and reading. 

I would like to share some pictures from that day.........

The Pond

Walking Away From Jimmy's Dad's Grave

The Geese - Close up shot  ~ 8 of them for 2008  !!!

The same shot of the geese, but a little wider

I share these message to relate....   ~ hope ~
A knowing that we can hear from those who are crossed over.
They are with us, and love never dies. 

Message From Grandmother On the Other Side

Isn't this an ~amazing~ picture ?

Let me explain about it... this happened in January of 2007.

I am (was) a member of a paranormal web site.

One of our members had dropped off the site, you know how you have so
much going on, and you just make choices about your time.   
Anyway, J emailed me saying....  "Deb, can I have an invite back on
the site, I have a really interesting photograph to share, and have
folks comment on".   J explained to me that he had been at a party
and a friend named Jimmy was talking about a unique picture someone
took of him sleeping on the couch.    J had Jimmy email him a copy
of the picture, saying he would share it on this paranormal site in
order to have feedback.   

J posted the picture and I will NEVER forget my first reaction....

It was like sitting in a WIND  TUNNEL  and having a turbo fan
switched on........     WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was totally speechless and clueless to make a comment on the
photograph itself.   

J had posted that Jimmy had lost his Grandmother less than a year
ago, and he was having great difficulty in processing her loss.

THAT STRUCK ME.......  I emailed J and said.... could you send this
message on to Jimmy.   I believe that I can help him with the loss of
his Grandmother.    The message I sent Jimmy was of a poem....
Why Was She Here, by Marlee Maitlin.   I also wrote a few other things
to Jimmy.   
He emailed me back and said that he had chill bumps and was so very
moved by my words.   He felt a peace that he had not felt in a long time.
He asked if he could call me.... and I said SURE.    I missed his call,
called him back and missed him, so he called me again.

When we did connect, he immediately said... 'You have no idea how
comforting the message you sent me was'.   Jimmy then said,
I know you are in Ohio, and I even know the city from the phone number.
He said, my sister lives in that same city.   He then said, well she lived in
one house, but moved to another house in the same city.....

I SUCKED AIR for about a SECOND and said......... 

"Is your sister Patti and her husband Paul"?     He answered... 'YES'.

I then said................'Ohhhhh MY GOD, we bought our house from them'.

Several Ohhh MY GOD'S later from BOTH of us, WE KNEW that his
Grandmother had a hand in connecting us up.   Jimmy's Grandmother is
buried at a cemetery here in Ohio.    

Jimmy lives in Arizona.  I just mapquested that.....

Total Est. Distance: 1922.88 miles     That is a WORLD away so to

speak....   What DO YOU think are the odds of this happening ?

AND...... it's been awhile since I spoke or emailed with Jimmy.
He called me on January 16th.   I told him that I would keep myself
open to any messages I might have from his Grandmother.
The next day, I felt the overwhelming urge to go visit her grave.
The cemetery is about a 15 minute drive from my home.   My dear
friend Antoinette's husband is also buried there.    I had the feeling
once I was at Larry's grave, I would locate his Grandma's right away.
The whole cemetery story is one I will save for another day, but I will
say when I was at Larry's grave, I could not locate Jimmy's Grandma's.
I phoned him to see if he could lead me there.   He was SHOCKED that
I was at the cemetery.    I did locate her grave with just a little help.

I had another NUDGE from heaven when I was there....  I'll post about
that tomorrow.   

The story here is........... Messages DO come from the other side,
we just need to be open to hear them. 

I really hesitated in sharing this story.    I talked with Jimmy about
sharing it and had the GREEN light go ahead from him.   Then I
thought.... maybe it's too personal to share.    I thought that was what
a 'nudge' from his Grandmother.   But in the past few weeks as I have had
this on my mind...   I knew that story was meant to be shared.   As a
validation in the power of the universe to work through people no matter
what the space or distance.... even death.   Love never dies. 

After I was at the cemetery on January 17th, I got to wondering
exactly when Jimmy and I first talked on the phone.    Going back
through emails I realized his call came in exactly ONE YEAR to the DAY
that we first spoke...   January 16th.   :)))))))))))))

I went to do a preview of this message before I actually posted it
and I heard......

My dearest Jimmy I DO LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!

Why Was She Here?


"When I faced the loss of my dear
Grandmother Rose, I asked the 
question, 'Why was she here?' for I could
not comprehend a day without her
gentle smile and caring touch. The loss was
so painful. But as days and months passed, I 
found that the pain I had felt began to
transform itself into something completely new.
The empty hole in my life was slowly
filled in with a warmth. As I lived
again and worked myself into a daily routine,
I began to understand that my successes
and achievements were her pats on the back,
her hugs when I was discouraged and her 
stories of her dreams and hopes for her
children and grandchildren when I had none.

So, the question 'Why?' became clear,
I realized that my life was an extension of 
hers. When there is a hole someplace in the
world, I believe a warmth eventually fills it.
When there is poverty, a richness of spirit
eventually comes to help.

I believe we are here for each other; to lift,
to encourage, to dream. Without that kind of giving,
we cease to exist. So, as Rose gave to me, I try to 
give to others in my work, in my personal life,
in my charity. For me, that is why.

That is harmony."

 

Marlee Matlin Academy Award winning
actress for her part in
Children of a Lesser God

What I Can Do For Others ~ Dedicated to Uncle Bob

The following is a message I had sent to someone a few years ago regarding the passing
of a friend.   I might have posted a part of this before on my site.   I tried to look back
through my past posts, but did not find this story.   EVEN IF I had shared it before
it's well worth making a post again.   :)

No death is ever easy to accept, but I have come to know from others I have seen go
through it that the death of a child is THEE most difficult to live with.

A person who I've just 'met' recently online has lost someone near and dear to them, Uncle Bob.

In reading the messages that followed the post about Bob, another person wrote

that Bob's Mother is 92 and has now buried 2 children in less than two years.   

My first ever exposure to someone losing a child was my Great Uncle Vernon.
He was my Dad's Uncle.   A brother to my Dad's Father.    I was somewhere around
the age of 20 when Uncle Vernon's daughter Anita died.   She was 23 and had given birth
to a baby boy, just weeks before her passing.    She died of an infection.   
My Uncle's words echo in my mind today..... "A parent is NOT supposed to bury a child"

My making this post today ~ What I Can Do For Others ~ is my way of explaining to those
of you who don't know me that well.....   What makes me - ME. 

Please understand I am not patting myself on the back, I'm sharing this as a way to
say, 'You can avoid coming to this hard lesson that I learned when I was NOT there for my
friend in the way I could have been.'

AND one other GREAT BIG THING ~

"Be The Change You Want To See In The World" -
Thank you Mahatma Gandhi ( 1869 - 1948)



Thanks for letting me write to you and tell you the story of my friend.    I hope in the process of reading
this you will find hope about the difficult time you are going through regarding your friend.

We have to understand that friends are a blessing.    We enjoy them as they
are a part of our life and when God decides the day he calls our friends home,
then we honor the spirit of that friendship by sharing ourselves with others.

Unexpected deaths are very difficult too.   Just like on September 11, 2001
Those who were left behind had no final goodbyes.  As hard as it is to see someone we love and care
about suffer, it also gives us time for our goodbyes.

I would like to tell you about my friend Cindy……

Cindy my best friend died July 16, 2001

We knew each other from grade school.   Cindy was a year behind me in school.    We attended a very small Catholic school AND we lived a street apart from one another growing up.   
It was not until Cindy started to date my neighbor John that she and I HOOKED up as friends.   
I met Johnny when I was 6, he was 5, and my youngest brother Michael was 4.   
Johnny, my bro and I  WERE INSEPARABLE through our youth.   

When Cindy came to be Johnny's girlfriend, that just bonded she and I.

Cindy and I got a morning paper route together.    We did that for something like 5 years.   
365 days a year.   5:30AM on Weekdays, and a bit later on Saturday and Sunday.
John and Cindy dated maybe a year or so, but she and I were bonded forever.   
Johnny remained my friend too, but we seemed to go our separate ways.   
I did have him in my bridal party for my first wedding and I am still in touch with him now off and on via email.  He lives in another part of the state of Ohio.

I graduated high school in June of 1976.    Cindy was working at an answering service and she got me a job there in July of 1976.  She went on to graduate high school in 1977.
My first marriage was in April of 1978 and Cindy married her across the street childhood
sweetheart in July of 1978.
I had Nicole in Feb of 1982     Cindy had her Eric in March of 1982
Cindy had Lisa in Feb of 1984, on her own b'day  Feb 21.  I had Vinny in Aug of 1984.  ( My Air Force son )

Cindy and her hubby had a 3rd child.   Alex was conceived while she was taking strong meds.   
By rights he should have had very serious brain defects.   He was born perfect.   It was a total miracle.
Alex was born in the spring of 1993.   He was 8 the year Cindy died.
After Michael and I married I went on to have Kevin, my 3rd child. Also a boy.   Kevin was born in 1996.
Cindy’s and my life paralleled each other so much.

In later years we lived close to one another and attended the same church.
Our children attended the same Catholic elementary school together and
of course were in the same grades.

In early 1988 Cindy was diagnosed with leukemia.   For 13 YEARS she fought a battle.

I was fighting my own battle with an abusive husband.

For EVERYTHING we shared......... I never truly shared what  my life was like.   
Shame, embarrassment, I could go on and on why I did not share what was going on with me.
After 1988, I would NOT DARE share with her.    She had her own problems and I FELT that I could not add to her problems.   I now know how wrong that was.   She would have been there for me had I let her.

I started my divorce in 1994.    At that time I let her in on a little of what was the reason.   

Then in later 1994 I met Michael.  My life moved in another direction..........   I was working now full time
and my kids were 13 and 11.     Their Dad (the ex) remarried and was in an awful situation and dragging the kids through his BS.
Other friends stepped up to be the friend to Cindy that I should have been.
We did not totally lose touch, but it was not nearly what it should have been.

Cindy had a stem cell transplant in 1998.   She was technically cured of the leukemia.   The stem cell transplants were so new, that Cindy's case has been used as ground work for others.
To have the transplant her whole immune system had to be irradiated.
This left her with less immunity than a preemie.

On Friday, July 6, 2001.   My last day of work at a company I worked at for 11 years.
At the time my kids were.... Nicole 19, Vincent 17, and Kevin 4.   I was in a position to be a stay at home Mom for the first time ever in my Motherhood. :)

That following week on Thursday, July 12th I attempted to call Cindy.   
She was 42 and I was 43.   
Her daughter answered the phone and told me Cindy was taken to the
hospital the night before.
Four days later on July 16th, Cindy died.   A massive infection had overtaken her system.   I was able to make it to the hospital  for a last goodbye.... she could not talk, but a faint smile was
on her lips as I spoke to her.

THE PAIN OF LOSING HER WAS SO GREAT.    I felt such guilt !!!!!!!!!

It took me nearly a year or more after Cindy's death to come to terms with myself.   
In that I found out that I could not do for Cindy, but my legacy to her would be what I could do for
others in this world.
I would always have described myself as a 'giving person', but I vowed to be more so in her honor.
I also vowed to never let a moment pass without those people who are important to me to let them know just how important they are.
I have become a better person and friend in Cindy's loss.   :)

Something very important happened after Cindy's passing.   I have felt her with me.   

Parts of her will never not be there.   I hear her voice.
She used to have this way she phoned me and when I answered
she would say............  " D E B R A "   in a nearly breathless urgent state.
Nothing was wrong, it was just her.   I hear that often.!!!!!!!!

I also have a story to share of something that happened to my daughter Nicole
just a few months after Cindy died. I had written that out for an online site I am a member of.
It's dated Sept 18th 2002.

I’ll share that now…..

My Crossed over friend Cindy

September 18, 2002   

The funeral and goodbye were so very hard……
As I walked away from Cindy’s grave site, small white butterflies floated all about.   

In a gentle wind I could hear a soft wind-chime that had been placed at someone else's grave.
Those two items were to become wonderful peaceful reminders of Cindy's continued presence with me.
I told every one of the butterflies and the calming feeling I had whenever I would see one after that.

Jump ahead now with me to September 9, 2001.
My daughter Nicole and her best friend Becky, also 19, had taken a first ever non-family vacation.
They flew from Ohio to Arizona and were staying with Becky's older sister and her husband.
They were heading down to Mexico and had just parked the car to walk across the border.
Nicole got out of the car, and crumpled to the ground.

It was 5 years ago that she had been diagnosed
with epilepsy, yet she had been totally controlled with medication and never until
that day had a seizure in public.   With her seizures, she does not lose
consciousness, her legs give out and she has jerking motions with her limbs.

At 6pm on Sept 9th I received a call from Becky that
Nicole was in the middle of a seizure and they were driving her to the hospital.
My heart sank to my stomach as my baby was hundreds of miles away and there was
nothing I could do to GET TO HER.   I hung up the phone and prayed a silent prayer...
'Dear God please take care of her'.... my next thought went out to Cindy.....
'Dearest Cindy, please go and be with my baby, as I cannot be there'.!!!

Hours seemed to pass as I waited for a call.
In the mean time, I called the airlines to see IF I could get the girls home
on an earlier flight.   They were scheduled to return on 9-11.   
I would be able to do that with a copy of her hospitalization record.
By now it was very late on Sunday and I dismissed my
first instinct to GET HER HOME... I can clearly recall
saying to myself... 'What difference will a day make'.!!

I received a call from Nicole just after 11:30 Sunday evening.   
She was back at Becky's sister's house and doing fine.   The seizure had passed and she had no
ongoing problems.
Through her tears she said to me....
"Mom, this is just almost unbelievable what I am going to tell you but here goes"....
Becky was at my bedside nearly every second, but whenever she was not with me and I was there alone....   I KNOW CINDY WAS WITH ME."

"I broke down and cried for the first time that evening....and said back to her...
I KNOW she was baby...  I asked her to be there".

I discussed the idea of them coming home early on 9-10 and we agreed they would just wait
as scheduled to come home on 9-11.

On 9-11 I placed a cell call to the brother-in-law....telling him all air travel was just suspended.
They were 1/2 hr from the Phoenix airport and  turned around.   
Thank goodness the girls were not in the air at the time.

Those days that followed 9-11, I was in constant touch with Nicole via phone.   She continued to feel Cindy with her.   She also found comfort in the hordes of butterflies that were surrounding the house where she was staying.    I imagine they were on a migration to Mexico, but it was one more thing of constant comfort for my daughter.

They were able to return on Friday, September 14th
as one of the first flights resuming after the national 9-11 tragedy.   It took nearly
15 hours from the time they left  AZ until they landed at Cleveland airport.
I can hardly describe what that reunion with my
daughter was like... I just WOULD NOT LET GO OF HER.

As a footnote to this story.... my Dear departed friend's name was   Cynthia Marie.

The family Nicole stayed with, Becky's sister's name is...
Cynthia.....   and Becky's middle name is.... Marie.
------------------------
My 19 year old aged a great deal in those days following her seizure.
Below is an excerpt from a posting my daughter left
on our "My Family Site" to let everyone know how she
was doing...........

But the people we encountered on all of our flights were extremely nice and caring.   Many of us flyers told each other our stories of being stranded and I overheard one woman on her cell phone who had to call her Mom and tell her she was coming to see her but it was supposed to be a surprise, but since our flight was delayed at Chicago for so long she had to ruin the surprise and she started crying on the phone to her Mom.   It was pretty sad.   

But after everything that has happened, with my seizures and this national tragedy I couldn't thank God, and his angels enough for watching over me.   Especially his one angel "Cindy"   who was with me everyday. [Cindy was my mom's best friend's who passed this year.]   I told my Mom I have never felt such a strong calming presence in all of my life.   That was every time I would think of her..   

When I was in the hospital laying there my best friend left the room for a brief moment,   and I suddenly realized who was standing in her spot.   It was one of my mom's best friends there to comfort me.   I couldn't see her but I really didn't need to because tears were streaming down my face,   and then a smile because I just knew who was at my bedside!!!!   God Bless Cindy because she kept me safe, gave me strength and flew next to those planes with me on the trip home !!   

I strongly believe there is a reason for everything that happens,   whether it is good or bad.   And I was not meant to go to Mexico,   Not that day at least!!
My Mom has a wonderful saying and it goes "AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS"
My seizures were upsetting and traumatic.   But nothing like what those people in NYC are dealing with.   And I thank God I'm alive and I have so many things to be grateful for.   I never realized before.   But it's taken me quite sometime to say things could be worse, and there is someone out there who has it 10 times worse than me.   So I pray for what I have.   I'm so grateful for everything I just can't even express it in words.   And I will always remember the good things you do in this world will come back to you!!   
Well, I must go, but I thank you all for your love, prayers, and support!!   

God Bless America!!!!   Love Always-------Nicole    
@---)-----           : )

~ Welcome to my ~Deb~utante ~

~ Welcome to my ~Deb~utante ~

Debutante, technically what does that mean…….

A debutante (or deb) (French word for "female beginner") is
a young lady from an aristocratic or upper class family
who has reached the age of maturity, and as a new adult,
is introduced to society at a formal presentation known
as her "debut" or "coming out."

The KEY words are debut or coming out.    Not much of
the rest applies to me, other then Deb and female.   

When I started this blog back in February of 2005, I had

to come up with a name.    I choose Deb_Inside because
I felt as IF I was sharing my insides to the world.   

I have been sharing only a part of my Insides.  There has been

a part of me that I have kept in the shadows.   

I'm happily married to Michael, the man of

my dreams.   I mean that literally,  there are times when I am

certain I dreamed him into my life.   

Thank you Michael for sharing this lifetime journey.   

I know honey, there have been times when THIS

journey seems like QUITE A TRIP.   LOL

May you always know my ~heart is with your heart~.

But what has then been in the shadows ?

Where do I start…….  I hold beliefs that are considered

a bit left of center in our society.    I embrace many things

paranormal.    I LOVE that word para--normal.

If I could easily redo my name I would choose paranormal

as my middle name.    Heck…… you get a RAISED eyebrow

look when you talk with some folks about paranormal,

so why not have it as part of your name.   LOL

God – Jesus Christ – Holy Spirit - Angels

ADC - After Death Communication

Paranormal

Clair-audience - (hearing)

Clair-sentience (feeling-touch)

Clairvoyance (seeing)

Coincidence

Elves-Faries-Trolls-Little People

Gratitude

Empathic connections

Healers

Affirmations

Meditation

Indigo Children/adults

Intuition

Law of Attraction - Manifesting

Native American - wisdom, quotes, beliefs, etc

Near-death & Out of Body Experiences

Palmistry/Astrology/Tarot/Numerology

Past Life or Reincarnation

Psychic Experiences

Releasing attachments / psychic cords

Shamanism

Soul Mate Spirit Guides Soul Group

Saints

These are some but there could be oh so many more.

There was a time within the past few weeks that I had

considered starting a second blog.    That blog would

be more open and more ME.    Then the thought came

to me, IF I were to do that, I would divide myself.

In this lifetime we need to keep it all together and that

would have been harmful or not productive for my ~spirit~.

The best thing I can do here is to ~invite~ you along
on this INSIDE and more open life journey.   

If what I write about resonates with you or to you,

please DO join in. 

If what I write about is distasteful or objectionable,

and you choose to leave  –
I wish you all the very best.  !!!

Blogging will be looked back in times to come as

an interesting phenomenon. 

When I first started reading blogs, the attraction

for me was to – BE inside another person’s brain

as they shared their world. 

How fascinating to read the thoughts of a complete stranger.   

If a blogger is being less then open, as I have been,

then there is a degree of dishonesty.   YUCK. 

The best thing is to read someone’s words and say…

“Ohhhhhhhh YEAH …. Ohhhhhh YEAH… ME TOO”

I have linked around from blog to blog and come upon

some of the most incredible people. !!!!   

Bloggers invite and encourage the input of their readers.

It is in the sharing of one another back and forth that we

come to know we are ~kindred spirits~.

To Slade.... for the inspiration to blog WIDE open.

I was sharing to my newest online friend, Damian

that I had planned on making this coming out post….

and his response to me was, the phrase…

'Hiding your Light under a Bushel comes to mind’

So here’s to no more … hiding…………. *

                                                    afmomdeb@gmail.com