When She Is Gone, You Will Realize Your Mom Was Your One True Friend

By Gerald Sinclair  - February 7, 2020
While a lot of people say that as parents we shouldn’t be friends with our children, it is something that happens no matter what. If you have a positive relationship with your mother, she will become your best friend whether it’s when you’re young or years later when you’re finally an adult.
Sure, you might not see it right now and it might not be something you realize within the next few years even but once you lose your mom you will begin to come to terms with how much she truly was your best friend and so much more. The relationship I have with my mom is easily the most important one in my life and that might sound a bit weird to some but if you have a positive connection with your mom, you know exactly what I am talking about.
As I have gotten older we have become closer and closer. The things I used to be afraid to talk to her about are now things we share words over easily. We are both open and honest with one another and really care about each other on a level that no one else could really compare to. I have realized through a lot of thinking that when I was younger I had been a complete trouble maker for her and also have taken the time to apologize for that.
She is the one person I know now that I can call in the middle of the night if I truly need her. She loves me unconditionally and I love her unconditionally. I have kept her up at night without realizing it and she has always worried about me in ways other people never will. My mom is a great best friend and I would not trade her for the world.
You will realize just how important she is when she is finally gone and by that time it will be too late so please do your best to understand the relationship you have with the woman who brought you into this world. She is the person who helped to make you who you are right now, she has cared for you through the ups and downs life has placed before her and even when she was struggling she make time to play with you and do her best to bring a smile to your face.
She was there when you went through breakups, she was there when you fell off your bike, and if you ever needed her for anything she would only be just a call away. She wants the best for you and works hard to see that you even now are able to live a good life. If you are struggling she will always come through the help in any way she can and she deserves some acknowledgment.
Your mother is the one person that should be deemed your best friend above everyone else. She isn’t some bratty girl from down the road or a co-worker who is going to leave you hanging when you need them the most. She is the person who has stood by you when you were treating her badly and made sure you still had all you needed in life. She might not be the same woman she used to be now that you’re older and she’s getting up there in age but she will continue to love you completely until the day she takes her last breath and even into the afterlife.

To A Loving Parent

To A Loving Parent

When the baby cries and you are tired, know that this time will pass - and when your child leaves for kindergarten you will have forgotten the difficult times.

Find, if you can, a few minutes each day just for you. Close your eyes, 
be still, rest. You deserve it.

Try to listen. Listen to the thoughts, the dreams, the anxieties, and the 
laughter your child wants to share with you.

Praise your child. Say "Wonderful!" "Thank you" and "Please". Say "I love you" and "What a good idea".   Don't say "No" when you can say "Yes!". 
Help your child become a comfortable individual.

Don't say cruel or harmful things when you are tired or angry at something or someone else. Apologize to your child when you are wrong. 
Say "I'm sorry". It will teach them to do the same.

Each day find something loving and warm to say to your child - and to yourself. Never beat a child, it only teaches that violence is acceptable behavior. 
Count to ten instead.

Find inexpensive things to do. A walk, a bus ride. Sit together, learn things together. Laugh together. Encourage your child to question, to be curious.

Share things about yourself. Let your children know you as a person, not as a parent who never makes mistakes. Let them see that you are an individual too.

Introduce your child to books. Go to the library together. Read aloud together. 
Sing songs. Paint stones.

Try to set aside one mealtime each day when each of you - children and adults - can tell the family something that happened during their day. 
You will learn a lot from and about each other.

Let your child discover and learn independence by doing things alone; and to make mistakes. Mistakes do not mean failure. We all make mistakes; it is a necessary learning process.  Let your child help in small ways.  Bed making, dishes, setting the table, feeding pets.  Don't set your standards too high.

Remind yourself that in a few short years your little one will be grown and gone - to a life of his or her own. Treasure the time you have together.  Write down funny things your child says and does. They will provide you with precious memories.

Be open to change and accept it. Change is inevitable. 
Remember that each day is a new beginning.

As best you can, help your children to grow up as happy individuals. 
It is a priceless legacy; one that will enable them to achieve adulthood 
knowing they are worthwhile and that life is good.

(Author unknown)
Don't recall where I copied these words from....
but I clearly recall when. 
1982 - My daughter Nicole was tiny.....   6 months old or less. 

I've tried to live these words.   I'm sharing them today
for the parents of all small children... 'time will move very fast'. 

***Get yourself an index box and blank cards.....
WRITE DOWN AND DATE the funny things 
your children do or say....
You will treasure the memories in years to come*** 

A Mom's Favorite Flowers
Kevin picked these for me on May 1, 2005

My Grandmother was a Genius

My Grandmother Laura Rothacker passed when I was 4 years, old back in 1962.  

She lives ON.   She was a genius in that she dated and added her name to EVERYTHING !!!

These were the days before Sharpies, so Grandma wrote on items with a pencil and covered it with clear nail polish to preserve the name and date.

I have carried on that tradition.  

Below is a photo of a Christmas ornament that my Dad gave to Vinny in 1987.
Vin would have been 3 that Christmas.    I took a small piece of paper,
wrote out the tag, and covered it with Scotch tape.  :)    23 years ago !!!

Once the ornament is on the tree, you don't see that little tag.

I've tried to do this with all ornaments that were given to my kids, and I've
tried to do this with all ornaments I've given to others.

At the end of this Christmas season when I take down our tree,
it's past time to put the kids ornaments aside for each of them.  

Please consider doing this, and you can be assured to send a bit of yourself
into the future. 
I know I have spoken of this before, but it's such a treasure to know the dates
of items and who they belonged to or who the gifts came from.   :)

  

 

Tone

Stop right now, and grab
a post it note, or an index card
Or some piece of
paper. On that paper write the word –
tone

 

Okay….. you read that
line and thought… ‘I’ll do it later’.

No……. please DO IT
NOW.    Smile

Have you ever walked
around a grocery store and you keep meeting the same person in every isle
? This happened to me last week as my
son and I were out
shopping. I would turn the corner and
there was this family of 4.
A father,
mother and 2 girls. I would guess the
children’s ages to have been  about
12 and 10.  The family might not have stayed with me over
these several days since I kept running into them in the isles
had it not been for the
negative, hostile and derogatory tones in which the parents were speaking to
one another.....and now they haunt me.

If I had the ability to secretly
video tape this family those adults might
be shocked at seeing and
hearing themselves in the manner in which
they behaved.

Tone is the use of
pitch in language to distinguish lexical or
grammatical meaning— that is, to
distinguish or inflect words.

~ Be Aware of your tone ~

As a parent, I have used the one word reminder – tone
– many times
over to my children. 

It’s really quite amazing, but we would never think
of speaking to a
stranger in just quite the ‘tone’ that we flip off to
those nearest
and dearest to us.

So…….. please go now and post the word tone someplace
around
your home as a reminder for yourself.

Split Second Change of Emotion

Kevin is our youngest child.   He will be 12 this summer.
He arrived as an old soul.    Not even minutes old in his
Daddy's arms, he was quiet as a mouse and literally
studying the features on his Dad's face. 
I commented to Michael right away about how intently
he was looking at Michael's features, in a slow deliberate
motion.

I usually say that NOTHING this child does surprises me.
But......... I was surprised last week.     Did I just say surprised,
a better word would be SHOCKED.   

It was Thursday of last week and I had walked in Kevin's
room to put some clothes away.   As I turned to walk out
of the room, I noticed he had written on his wall.....

I SUCKED AIR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    Michael just painted Kevin's room
about 6 months ago. 

In a SPLIT SECOND.....   I went from SHOCK....  to Awwwwwwww






I went downstairs, grabbed my camera and paper towels
and cleaning solution.   Castrol Super Clean - dissolves
grease on contact AND a little elbow grease and the
message was gone from his wall.....
But not from my heart.   

It's every parent's dream to be a 'hero' to your child. 
 
Kevin and I had a conversation about the 'artwork'.
I told him although the message was quite special to me,
it was NOT appropriate to express himself  in
such a way on the wall of his bedroom, but I would prefer
he used paper, which he has all over the place because he
is quite artistic.    

What a balance it all is being a parent. !!!    

A Gem From My 11 Year Old Kevin

Kevin has the day off today due to teacher's meetings
and he just turned to me and said.......

"Mom, you have to pay taxes when you work, right?"

I said..........  "Yes"

Then he said...............

"You and Dad will be paying my taxes, right?"

I said....................

"NO"....  "When you work they take the taxes out of your pay"

He said...........

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh"

~* Letting Go *~

The following is a post I had made to some military friends in
March of 2003.        

~* Letting Go *~

DO THIS RIGHT NOW...   REALLY.... DO THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!

Take both of your hands.
Turn them palms up, and make tight fists.

HOLD THOSE FISTS TIGHT.... TIGHTER !!!!!
KEEP HOLDING....

Your see your finger tips turning white....
You are feeling a painful feeling in your hands,
and the pain is now even being felt in the muscles up your arms....  
Keep holding,
your finger nails might even be digging into the
palms of your hands.


NOW -----------      ~* LET GO *~


Slowly open your hands....

Your fingers unravel as you extend and stretch them.
~* take a deep breath *~ and REALLY feel the letting GO.

Relax your shoulders and let go a little more,
a few more deep breaths.

Looking at your open hands, palms up envision the letting go.....

See the built up 'THINGS'

(garbage - crap - anger - frustration - guilt - hurt )

All just running out of your finger tips.........


That is   ~* Letting GO *~


You can use this exercise MANY times in a day to remind yourself to let go.
As you start out, you might have to physically grip your hands, after awhile you can mentally do the letting go.


I made up this ~* Letting Go *~  in 2003 to help my daughter Nicole through a difficult time.  She would stop in to see me, and in talking to me of her life issues, I could see the emotion and crap just building up inside of her.

She was like a tightly corked bottle .... under pressure that at any second was ready to explode.

One day as I was talking to her, I had my hands extended palms up, raising them up and down  and saying....

"Honey, you just have to let this go" !!!!!!!!!!!!

At that moment... it came to me to show her through my hands.... what she was doing to herself IN HOLDING IT ALL INSIDE eating away at her just like the pain you felt in the tight fist.

That was the ~*birthday*~ of ~* LETTING GO*~.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~



This came back to me yesterday when my daughter (age 25) was
talking to me and telling me how she had shared to a
friend that they needed to let something go.....
She even used the hands in a fist to illustrate  ~*Letting Go*~


That....... is parental pay dirt.  !!!

Some of My Kids - Christmas Eve

Kevin - Nicole - Vinny

I say... 'Some of my kids', because my 'daughter from another
Mother' - Kerri was not with us, and Vince's wife Dana, my
Daughter in law stayed in Texas for the holiday to be with her family.   

Holiday Memories of Yesteryear

Two nights ago, I was out driving and flipped on the radio.

It was set to a station that is all holiday music.
 

I heard him, Burl Ives singing Holly Jolly Christmas….

INSTANTLY… it was December of 1989…...

My 2 children were clamoring…….

“When will it be on”?
 

“How soon is 20 minutes”?

7 year old Nicole and 5 year old Vincent were excitedly anticipating

the TV broadcast of ………  Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

My eyes filled with tears and a part of me longed for those children

of yesteryear.    But alas…. that was then.   I do have Kevin who is

11 years old, and I know how in a heartbeat time moves on.
   

Burl Icle Ivanhoe Ives passed away in April of 1995 at the age of 85.

His distictive voice was actually a ghost from my own childhood. 

The Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer debuted on TV in December of 1964.

At that time I was 6 years old, but it’s always felt like the annimated

show has been a part of my life.
 

Thank you Mr Ives, Ummm I mean Sam the Snowman,

for the memories of generations of children…. even grown ones who

remember when.
 

IF you don’t have Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer on DVD,

you can catch it here is the USA   on………..………….

Monday Dec 3 – 9 pm Eastern time    The Family Channel

Tuesday Dec 4 – 8 pm Eastern time   CBS

A couple of You Tube videos of Mr Ives singing
on the animated Rudolph Show ……

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ki1JRTUeawg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aNUm1ePMDs

Mr Ives talks about his role as Sam……..

"When I lent my voice to Sam the snowman back in 1964, 1 had no idea
that the special would air on network television every year since then.
When I tour across the country, I am recognized as Sam by everyone from
the airline stewardesses down to the smallest of children.
The popularity of that special overshadows my Oscar performance in
The Big Country and my performance as ‘Big Daddy’ in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof" put together."

"I loved that special, so much that we have had wood figures of the Rudolph
characters made and we decorate our front lawn with them every Christmas.
The role of Sam came natural to me because I like singing to children
because they like good songs and they are interested in some of the
same things I am, like frogs, flies and bees. I worked on several projects
with Rankin/Bass over the years ........and enjoyed making them all,
but Rudolph is still the most popular. ‘Silver and Gold’ and ‘Holly Jolly Christmas’
are two of my favorite and most requested songs.
I am grateful to have been a part of that special."

http://www.burlives.com/Fun.htm

Rudolph that Amazing Reindeer

by Stanley Frankel

About half way down the page at this link you will find this fascinating story.
It’s about Robert May the author of the Rudolph story.
Reprinted from Good Housekeeping Magazine.

http://www.frankel-y.com/append.htm

"The Miracle of Mindfulness"

This was a post I made on an Air Force Parents
support site back in early 2003.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The Miracle of Mindfulness"

This is no magic wand that we can wave to disperse STRESS
from our lives. If that were the case, I'd be your fairy godmother
and take it ALL AWAY. :) Bippiti -- boppiti -- BOOP

But what I can do is offer some words to you in hopes that
IF you embrace them and the precepts, you will find
moments of peace.

Many of us in these times turn to God in prayer.
'Dear God, help me to process this' 'Amen'
I have no doubt that GOD does help us in a BIG WAY,
but we are responsible for the MOMENTS of our lives.

The Miracle of Mindfulness,
by Thich Nhat Hanh was a very important book
in my life journey.
I would like to present this to you as a quickie version of the
concepts of mindfulness, but for further understanding I highly
recommend
you pick up a copy of this book for yourself.

Answer this question with ALL honesty ....
How many times have you been behind the wheel of your
car, driving down the street and you pass under a traffic light.
Almost immediately you say...
"Ohhh MY GOSH" ... "Was that a green light or a red light" ???
IF you answer honestly, I think you might say...
"WOW", I have no idea what color that light was."

The reason is.... a loss of momentary mindfulness. !!!
You were 100 million miles away.
It happens ALL the time, many times in a day.

Have you seen the movie the Karate Kid ?
Mr Miyagi, the wise teacher has Daniel, the kid, wax the car.
Over and over he says....
"Wax on, Wax off". The purpose of that 'mantra' is to keep
ones mind on the task at hand.

Mindfulness is about developing a continuous awareness of all the
tasks
we do and the thoughts we have during the course of a day.
The mindfulness comes in when your awareness is held to the moment
of each task you are doing.

In the morning when you make your coffee, and have your breakfast,
you hold your mind to the task you are doing.
It is as IF you are doing this task for the very first time.
Actually feeling the items you are touching and processing
everything in just that moment.
All through the day, paying direct attention to what you are doing.

I explained the ideas of mindfulness to my coworkers.
So many times I when I was at work my mind wandered away.
I was house cleaning, grocery shopping, DOING all the things
in my mind that needed to be done in the future.
It's no wonder you get home from work and just don't feel\
like doing some tasks. How many times did you do them
over and over in your mind without even noticing where
your thoughts were.
There is a huge difference between planning out mentally what
you are going to do, and allowing your mind to aimlessly wander
off and do those things.

We have all said, "I'll just keep myself busy and that will get me
through this time." It will get you through, but if you are not
aware, even when you are busy your mind will be racing along
to other things. If, you do not hold your attention to the moment.

In ending I would like to say.....
You will NOT read my posting here one time and have
a full and complete command of mindfulness.
It will take your attention and practice.
Look how many years your mind has been
on vacation. Ha, no wonder it's going to take some time
to really embrace this into a daily practice.

When I first started to 'practice' mindfulness,
I made myself small cards that said.....
"Wax on Wax off" "breath in breath out".

I had one at work, one on the kitchen frig, one in my car.
These were reminders to myself to be mindful of the moment.
If I caught my mind wandering away, I repeated those
lines to myself I could actually feel my whole body relax.
I then returned physically and mentally to the moment, experiencing
totally just what I was doing at the time.

I think I am going to print out a copy of this for Vinny.
These would be great words of wisdom to send to him. !!!
Of course he has heard me speak of this, but I am not so sure
that it is a part of him.

(by the way... The Karate Kid movie made it's debut in 1984,
just like my Vinny)

My Teachers

Twenty five years ago last month, my first child Nicole arrived.

Two years and six months after Nicole, my second child, Vincent 
arrived.

Twelve years and five months after Nicole, my son 
Kevin was born. (7-27-1996)

At the age of 38, and by choice, I was a Mommy again.

In those early years of parenting, I had no clue as to 
what I know now.

For as much as I think I have been and am a teacher to them,

I have come to know that they indeed  arrived to TEACH ME !

For this I have Kevin to thank.   He has opened my eyes and

enlightened me in ways I was never able to see or even 
comprehend 25 years ago.

So, to you young parents, observe the lessons of your little ones,

and know they are your teachers.

Remember also to mirror back to them the character that 
you would choose for them.

Your actions, repeated over time, will have a great influence.

Enjoy the moments and  ~ learn ~ ……..  
time moves so quickly forward. !

~What My Children Need To Know~

Children:

There is no particular order to this list.

Just know that ALL are things that

define me. Things that I have tried to live. :)

Love Mama

The Golden Rule

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

You can not control another’s actions,
you can only control your re-action.

Everything in my life that has happened to me
had to happen in just the way it did, for me
to be the person I am today.
D. Estep

“You must be the change you want to see in the world. “
Mahatma Gandhi
(1869 - 1948)

“Have NO DOUBT”
Expressed to me by Mel when I told her
that I had doubts about sharing my
thoughts with others.
Melanie Smith – 2006

“MAKE IT GREAT”
Phil Gerbyshak

“How are your fears preventing your
forward progress” ?
Dr. Linda McGraw – My talk therapist - 1994

“I always knew I was different,
but I did not always realize that different was GOOD”
D. Estep

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Lord Polonius to his son Laertes
William Shakespeare – Hamlet Act 1 Scene 3

How to Grow A Life Long Learner

Over at Rosa Says Talking Story with

Say Leadership Coaching all month

27 authors are posting articles about learning:

Joyful, Jubilant, Lifelong Learning

http://www.sayleadershipcoaching.com/talkingstory/

This started me thinking just where does this desire to learn come from ? 

Children are inquisitive by nature.  Spend anya mount of time with a 4 or 5 year old and

you will know just what I am talking about.

When they ask questions answer as honestly as you can.   Offer just a little something more that goes

beyond the original question and you are teaching them how to construct their

own puzzle of learning.

If you don’t know the answer, grab some age appropriate book and find out together.

The ~ beauty ~ of this approach is that you teach them that you really don’t know

everything, but you put value and importance on learning yourself.

Children are like tiny little sponges, they are very curious by nature.

When you answer their questions or seek out answers together you are

teaching them that they are worth your time.    You also fertilize and

foster a mindset that just wants to know more and more.

Catch them young and nurture that seed of learning, and you set up your childto be a life long learner.

Mother and Child Connection

Drop down and read  July 18th - yesterdays post,
before you go and read this one........  :)


I've had my blog site for over a year now.   I have not always
been a daily 'blogger'.     I knew it had been sometimes since
my last post.   It was late morning yesterday and I was
contemplating a topic to write about.    The Christmas thing
just popped into my head and I thought.....
hmmmm good topic.  :)


It's taken me many years to convince my Mom that she and
I share a telepathic communication.   I also believe that the
Mother child mental bond is one of the strongest.


My Mom is retired and has a social life with a circle of friends.
They do Senior Center activities AND bingo.   She emailed me
last night after 9:30 pm.....
I really should not have been overly shocked when I read her
email last night, but my jaw dropped and I just went..........   WOW !!!

"Tomorrow I'm going to the City Park for a picnic in the
park.  This is with the Sr. Center. 
I have to take a dessert. 
We had a Potluck today at the Sr. Center it was
Christmas in July."

Why Can’t It be Christmas Every Day ?

Why Can’t It be Christmas Every Day ?

This was a question my son Kevin asked me

this year in early January.

Now, understand at age 9 his question had more to do

with the gifts than anything else.  Of course he certainly

was not thinking about giving gifts, but being on

the receiving end of gifts.

I explained to him, as best I could about the season

and also mentioned that we celebrated his birthday

once a year.   I also told him about the ~Spirit of

Christmas~ and that it was something he could

hold in his heart all through the year.

Now just because he is 9, don’t think for a moment

that my speaking to him of the ~Spirit of Christmas~

was entirely lost on him.   

I view it as the laying of a foundation.

Still, on that day and many days since his question

has stayed with me.   

Many before me have thought of keeping Christmas

all through the year.   

To quote Charles Dickens character Mr. Scrooge

from the 1843 writing of A Christmas Carol……….

"I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future.

The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me.

I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.”

There is a magic to the ‘season of Christmas’.

I honestly DO try and keep that magic alive

all through the year.    I don’t have the resources

to lavish monetary type gifts, or gifts of Earthy value,

but I, and each and every one of you have the ability to

keep alive the Christmas spirit. 

For me the ~Spirit of Christmas~ means human kindness.

I will forever be known to some Airmen as the Air Force

Mom who sent me a Christmas card, but not one they

received at Christmas time. 

I send Christmas cards all through the year. 

Admittedly it started out when I was thinking of

sending a note of encouragement and I wanted

my note card to have a certain impact.   

You certainly would be hard pressed to forget a

Christmas card in June OR the sender of such card.

I hope today you will find some way to spread

some Christmas cheer and also remember to

keep it all through the year.

A Mom's Favorite Flowers

A Mom's Favorite Flowers

Kevin picked these for me on May 1, 2005

(click on the picture to see it larger)

Out With The Yuck - Yucks

My youngest child, Kevin is now 8 years old and in second grade.   In 2002 he
started kindergarten.   He is a lively outgoing sort who was fearless of starting  school. 
He immediately loved the teacher and interacting with other kids.
During the fall of that year every night as I was tucking him into bed he would
recount to me his entire day at school.    Most times everything was good, but
if some part of his day had not gone good, he would flare up just telling me
all about it.    After a few weeks of this I got to thinking that it just was not good for him to be taking this all with him into the night.

I continued to let him tell me of his day, and after he was done I said to him,
'Take a deep breath and everything that just did not go your way, let it go.
Picture all of your fingers like a hose.    Think of a hose turned on full blast
with the water running out as it's laying in the driveway.   Take another deep
breath and let ALL of the YUCK - YUCKS just run out your fingers.
Take another deep breath and tell yourself.... tomorrow is another day.

For well over 2 years this has been a night time ritual for Kevin.   All I have to say now is, 'out with the yuck - yucks', he takes a deep breath and away it all goes.

Sleep can be a time of rejuvenation but not if the yucky parts of your day
go right along with you into the night time.
I have no doubt that this magical childhood meditation will stay with my son
for many years to come.

Now IF I could only get his corporate, fortune 500, manager Daddy to
grasp this concept I'm certain my hubby would have 'Sweet Dreams'.   :)