Saturday, July 22, 2006

Mindfulness

Mindfulness


I have written on this topic before, yet it is SO important to
mental health that I felt the need to touch on it again.


First, let’s visit how Mindfulness  is defined online at Wikipedia :
“Mindfulness is the practice whereby a person is intentionally
aware of his or her thoughts and actions in the present moment, non-judgmentally.
Mindfulness is applied to both bodily actions and the mind's own thoughts and feelings.”



What exactly is non-judgemental mindfulness ?


Think of your body as a filter.    Thoughts come and go.    When you process your thoughts in a non-judgemental way, then the thoughts pass right through your body filter.  When you judge the thoughts your system gets mucked up by the judgement.


Need a visual on that…..    Here is a picture of my dryer’s filter.


M



Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Mother and Child Connection

Drop down and read  July 18th - yesterdays post,
before you go and read this one........  :)



I've had my blog site for over a year now.   I have not always
been a daily 'blogger'.     I knew it had been sometimes since
my last post.   It was late morning yesterday and I was
contemplating a topic to write about.    The Christmas thing
just popped into my head and I thought.....
hmmmm good topic.  :)



It's taken me many years to convince my Mom that she and
I share a telepathic communication.   I also believe that the
Mother child mental bond is one of the strongest.



My Mom is retired and has a social life with a circle of friends.
They do Senior Center activities AND bingo.   She emailed me
last night after 9:30 pm.....
I really should not have been overly shocked when I read her
email last night, but my jaw dropped and I just went..........   WOW !!!



"Tomorrow I'm going to the City Park for a picnic in the
park.  This is with the Sr. Center. 
I have to take a dessert. 
We had a Potluck today at the Sr. Center it was
Christmas in July."






Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Why Can’t It be Christmas Every Day ?

Why Can’t It be Christmas Every Day ?


This was a question my son Kevin asked me
this year in early January.

Now, understand at age 9 his question had more to do
with the gifts than anything else.  Of course he certainly
was not thinking about giving gifts, but being on
the receiving end of gifts.


I explained to him, as best I could about the season
and also mentioned that we celebrated his birthday
once a year.   I also told him about the ~Spirit of
Christmas~ and that it was something he could
hold in his heart all through the year.


Now just because he is 9, don’t think for a moment
that my speaking to him of the ~Spirit of Christmas~
was entirely lost on him.   
I view it as the laying of a foundation.


Still, on that day and many days since his question
has stayed with me.   


Many before me have thought of keeping Christmas
all through the year.   


To quote Charles Dickens character Mr. Scrooge
from the 1843 writing of A Christmas Carol……….


"I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future.
The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me.
I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.”


There is a magic to the ‘season of Christmas’.


I honestly DO try and keep that magic alive
all through the year.    I don’t have the resources
to lavish monetary type gifts, or gifts of Earthy value,
but I, and each and every one of you have the ability to
keep alive the Christmas spirit. 


For me the ~Spirit of Christmas~ means human kindness.


I will forever be known to some Airmen as the Air Force
Mom who sent me a Christmas card, but not one they
received at Christmas time. 

I send Christmas cards all through the year. 
Admittedly it started out when I was thinking of
sending a note of encouragement and I wanted
my note card to have a certain impact.   

You certainly would be hard pressed to forget a
Christmas card in June OR the sender of such card.


I hope today you will find some way to spread
some Christmas cheer and also remember to
keep it all through the year.




Friday, March 24, 2006

Life EQUALS change !!!


PLEASE......... understand I am not in any way
preaching, I am just relating something in a parenting
sense that I learned long ago........

following what I have written,  I've included a copy
of THE MOST POWERFUL PRAYER that I personally
have ever encountered in my life.........

xo xo xo
Deb

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Life EQUALS change !!!



A few weeks after
January 28, 1986
I learned the most valuable
parenting lesson I could ever have learned.




On that date, 73 seconds after liftoff, the Challenger Space Shuttle
blew up.    In the blink of an eye, it’s 7 crew members were gone
from this Earth.




I am sorry to say that I don't recall which male astronaut
it was who said this to his young children, but one of them, prior
to his going up in the Challenger shuttle said to his children….
“Don’t worry, Daddy will be okay”.


The point was made at that time, that you can never tell
children ‘do not worry everything will be okay’.


At that time, my daughter Nicole was almost 4 and my
son Vincent was 1 ½ yrs old.


There are unknowns in life and there are times when
you will not be able to say with 100 percent certainty that ….
“Everything will be okay”.

Children need life explained to them in an age appropriate
manor.    You would not speak to a 2 yr old in the same way
that you would have a conversation with a 15 year old.


Telling a child do not worry everything will be okay,
is paramount to saying ‘You will have blue sunny skies
for the rest of your life’.   ‘No darkness will come,
no night, only blue skies’.

You can not take your 5 year old child and keep them
a 5 year old forever……


Our job then as parents and teachers of our children is
to be able to balance the truth of life, that everything does
change, with the fact that today is the day you get to live in.


This is NO EASY task, because we as adults don’t fully
understand every change that comes our way.!!!!!!!!!

Yet, change happens and change is inevitable. 


Time moves, seasons change……….



When we teach our children that life equals change,
we empower and equip them to stand tall and look
change in the face and keep moving forward.


The FACT is that we will NOT always be at their side
to assist them with ALL of life’s changes, but IF we have
laid down this foundation of understanding,
they will be better able to deal with the uncertainties
that will come their way.   


D. Estep
3-24-2006





---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



The Serenity Prayer 

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdome to know the difference.
Reinhold Niebuhr
 





Saturday, March 4, 2006

Waking

Waking



Your pain is the breaking of the shell that
encloses your understanding.
(Khalil Gibran)


There is no coming
to consciousness without pain
. (Carl G. Jung )

LIFE is indeed a great teacher, but until the time comes
that we awaken, we have NO hope of learning.


People are sent to cross our paths, you know the ones
who greatly PUSH our buttons.... they are sent to wake us up.
Yet sometimes we view them as an annoyance or a bad dream.


Asleep, some journey on, with a pack on our back.
The pack is our cares, our anger, our fears, our perceptions of past wrongs....


ALL things passed. Loaded we attempt to
trudge forward, and we are weighted as with a ton on our back.

We grasp at that pack and hold the whole of it ever so
tight to our bodies.



The pack hurts, and at times parts of the past poke up and
stick in our bodies. Through the hurt of the pack we
CHOOSE to see doom and gloom..... But continue to laden it
with MORE CRAP....


But one day........ something happens...

The "something" can be VERY good, OR VERY bad.... but
slowly...... your eyes open. Streaks of
light and goodness shimmer in...


You have the awareness that you can at any moment set that
pack DOWN and journey onward....



This IS...... "breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding"
AND ........ with this understanding is pain.... Some pain, but you
are now aware, and you grasp the understanding that the
pain was all a learning to becoming awake.



You can not EVER grasp that pack and load it on your back again.
Once you start walking forward on your journey
you realize you have a lightness of~spirit~ that you never ever
had before....



With this awareness you want to SCREAM out to others, get
that damn pack off your back... Let me help you PULL that off,
but you know what.... quickly you come to the understanding that
you can NEVER help a person remove their pack.



They have to be the ones to wake up and remove the pack.


With apologizes and admittance of past wrongs
toward another person, and we can lighten their pack........

IF they choose to accept what we are saying to them. If they choose not to
accept an apology, it is their pack STILL fully loaded.



So what CAN we do for others who are asleep........
Have you ever had a friend come up beside you and touch
your shoulder with loving kindness.
Sometimes they have no words, only a touch.
Sometimes they have a word of support, showing
you the kindness of their ~Spirit~.

Those are wake up nudges...



But some from the day they are born, until the day they die
carry that pack. They not only carry it, they
have their hands so tightly clenched around the straps it ain't never
coming off.



That brings me to my favorite of quotes...
"I can not control another's actions, I can only control
my reaction"



AND............ once awake, you can NEVER EVER pick up
that pack again.



PS..... also remember...
"I am not better than
anyone else here,



but I am a better person
today than I was yesterday"

Friday, October 7, 2005

~ Airy ~ Light ~ Clean ~

Imagine that you have the house of your dreams and the yard to
go with it.    Just in this little moment, let’s also say that you
love to be out in your yard tending to your award winning
flower beds, and you have the time to do that.

It’s a summer morning and you are out bright and early.
Weeding, planting more flowers and adding dark rich peat moss
around your flower beds.

You’ve worked up quite a sweat, your finger nails are loaded
with a rim of dark peat.    Smudges of dirt are in the creases of
your arms, and your face is just streaked with mud and sweat lines.

You come in the house done with the mornings work.    You walk in
the bathroom, take a look at yourself and say….

“Nope, I’m not taking a shower, I’m just going to hold on to this look…..
AND SMELL !!!!!

You look at the clock and think, “Wow, I have to get to the grocery store”.

You grab your keys and out the door you go……..  Leaving the house just
as you walked in from the mornings yard work.
Could you EVER in a million years picture yourself walking out of the
house looking like this ?????

I hear a RESOUNDING…………  “Nooooooooooooo”

This little scenario is make believe --- 

But I can assure you that this is just what your ~spirit~ and insides look like
and smell like when you choose to hold on to anger and resentment.

Our spirits and souls were meant to be airy, light and clean.

Ohhhhhh yeah, all well and good in some dream world.   You don’t know what
so and so said to me.   You don’t know what so and so did to me.

In the big picture of life, it really does not totally matter what others say or do.
What matters is how we choose to HANG on and process that.

So now you know…….. you have a choice.     LET GO and clean your ~spirit~
or hold on and let it MUCK you up from the inside out.

IF your insides were visible, just what would they look like ???

Remember………
“You can never control another’s actions, you can only control your reaction”   





Thursday, October 6, 2005

Help Me Honor Pfc LaVena L. Johnson



This morning I shared a Legacy link to post a message to


honor Army Private First Class LaVena L. Johnson.










Needing to DO MORE to express to this family the sorrow of so


many in the loss of their daughter,  I am putting together a


condolence book.   




From a online news source I was able to locate the pastor's name


who spoke at the memorial service for LaVena.


I called the Church in Missouri and spoke to the pastor's


wife, Angela Sanders.   




She told me that the family is deeply grieving the loss


of their darling daughter.





Please send me your messages of condolence that I can share


with this family to ease their pain.





Word File Documents would be great, but email messages


are very much appreciated also.





A part of me is so outraged that I am only hearing of


LaVena's death just now, after her passing in July of this year.


I know that I can channel that emotion into something good


by creating this book to send to her family.





Thank you kindly,


Debra Estep - Twinsburg Ohio


Proud Air Force Mom





















1johnson27big_2




Lavena Johnson is shown in her 2004


Hazlewood Central High School graduation photo







July 20, 2005




DoD Identifies Army Casualty The Department of Defense announced today the death of a soldier who was supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.


Pfc. Lavena L. Johnson, 19, of Florissant, Mo., died July 19 in Balad, Iraq, of non-combat related injuries.  Johnson was assigned to the Army's 129th Corps Support Battalion, Fort Campbell, Ky.   



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Foul Play is Suspected in Solider’s Death
by Daniel R. Brown
Special to the NNPA from the St. Louis America


ST. LOUIS (NNPA) – ''The military came to my door on July 19th at 7:30 in the morning. The moment my wife looked out the window and she said ‘John, it's a soldier standing on the porch,' I knew it was bad news,'' recounted John Johnson, father of Private LaVena Johnson, 19, of Florissant, Mo. who died recently near Balad, Iraq.

She was the first female soldier from Missouri to die while serving in the current war in Iraq.

''It came totally unexpected, because she had just talked to her mother on the phone on Sunday for about an hour,'' Johnson said.

''They talked just about everything - about how crazy things were, the weather, the big spiders and the large scorpions. They just laughed and had a good time the way they always do.''
Despite the personal visit that LaVena's family received, which is standard military protocol for families of soldiers who die in the line of duty, they have many unanswered questions concerning her death, which is under investigation.

''This is what they said: ‘Your daughter died this morning of a self-inflicted wound,' '' Johnson recounted.
''I said, ‘Self-inflicted? Are you saying that my daughter shot herself?' He said, ‘No, sir, but it's being investigated.'''

After LaVena's remains were returned to the family two weeks ago, the Johnsons did some disturbing and shattering investigations of their own.
''I am going to tell you for a fact. We looked at her body and we saw some things,'' Johnson said.

''I don't want to say too much right now, but I am going to say this: I think that the investigation is a criminal investigation, and I think that there is foul play.''

At Hazelwood Central High School, from which she graduated in 2004, LaVena was known as a topnotch student.

Despite her school's large size, she stood out for her exceptional academic and extra-curricular performances. That's why it was a shock to many when during her junior year she announced her plans to join the U.S. Army following her graduation.

''It's like a conversation that I had yesterday. She said that she was going in the Army, and I was shocked because I just knew that she was going to go on to school,'' said Frank Smith, Central's principal.

''I knew her three brothers, because her three brothers graduated from Central, and I know that they went on to college and different things. I was wondering why she wouldn't pursue that.''

Her father, who served in the military for three years, provided some insight into how she reached her decision.

''She talked to me about the benefits of me going, because I went from high school to the Army. When I got ready to go to college, it did pay for some of it. When I got my first house, I didn't have to make a down payment because I was a veteran,'' Johnson said.

''So, she decided it would be a good idea for her to go into the military first, because she wanted to travel and she wanted to earn her own money to go to college. We told her that we could come up with the money to send her to school, but she said, ‘No, I want to do this on my own.'''

Based on her performance on a military aptitude test, LaVena was initially assigned to work as a chaplain's assistant. But, once the Army discovered that she did not have a driver's license, she was reassigned to weapons supply.

''The chaplain's assistant position would have been great, because she is a good Christian woman,'' Johnson said. ''That would have been perfect.''

A member of the 129th Corps Support Battalion based at Fort Campbell, Kentucky, LaVena arrived in Iraq in April 2005, just four months ago. The Johnsons, a close family of seven, remained in regular contact with LaVena while she was there.

''She talked on the phone to my wife just about every day. She emailed her sister, and they communicated on the computer often. And then, in between the two of them, I wrote her,'' Johnson said.

LaVena will be remembered by all who knew her for her big smile and her even bigger heart.   ''The point that really stands out is that, out of 2,700 kids at the school, when she walked up she had a smile on her face,'' Smith, her former principal, said.

''She was that type of child that made an impact on everyone that she came in close contact with. She was just a great child. We all were at a loss for words when we got the word that she had passed away in Iraq.''



Wednesday, October 5, 2005

A1C Elizabeth Nicole Jacobson

                                                                Forliz555_1



Originally I had drawn this angel as one of protection.   


It takes on a double meaning when shared with


the family of our Fallen Heroes.




Thank you Elizabeth and all who have


given their all to ensure our freedoms.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!
Mary Frye (1932)





Monday, September 26, 2005

Air Force Mom and Dad Online Support Site

"Welcome to the family"

You've said your last goodbye and your child heads off
for basic military training. They are now out of site.

For maybe 18 years, or even a bit longer in the case of
some kids who enter basic military training later in life,
you've been preparing them for this point.

What parent has not heard a 2 year old exclaim….
"I DO --- I DO" !!!!

They come into this world with a fierce determination to
do things THEIR WAY !!!!!

Our job has been to love, teach, guide and protect…
and then to LET GO.

On the day of their birth, they either popped out
or were lifted out of your body and then SNIP – they were LET GO.

You might be a Stepparent of this AF child, but you have
offered them love, teaching, guidance and protection.
Your letting go, can be just as emotional as a bio parent.

Wasn't it just yesterday you pushed them off on that
two wheeled bike… and then LET GO.

Most likely at no time in your child's life has your roll
changed so quickly and so drastically, as the day you say goodbye.

Another thing that mucks up a parent's emotions at this time is
this…..

Memories of your AF child's entire life ~FLASH~ before your mind….
You start to question….. "Was I a good enough parent" ?
"Was I too strict…. Was I not strict enough…..Should I have done
this… Should I have done that ??????

This is not a conscious choice to question or recall all of this,
it just SHOWS UP. !!!! BAMM – BAMM !!!
That triggers emotions and memories from your own life and
your own childhood, your parents and your life choices. !!!

Swirl all that above thinking around, and unless you've served in
the military yourself, you are clueless as to what to expect
will be happening in your child's life in the coming weeks.

Then smart you searches around the world wide web and you find….
The Air Force Mom and Dad site.

It's just like walking in a warm cozy cabin from a bitter cold
freezing night .
A large stone fireplace is crackling in the background.
New friends pat you on the back, and some hug you as you make
your way around the room. Tears stream down your cheeks
as you come to understand that ALL these folks have been
in your shoes, and they get what you are going through.

Right now, you might be the newbie, but in a very short time,
another parent will sign on this site and the torch will be passed.
You'll welcome them with open arms and share your stories helping
to ease their stress saying… "Welcome to the family".

oxox
Deb in Ohio
PAFM of Vinny
Posted Aug 2005



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Echo From The Past...


Beach_6   




Free Public Domain Photo




(Shakespeare Quote from Troilus and Cressida Play Act lll Scene 3)