There’s Nothing Selfish About Suicide By Katie Katie Hurley

There’s Nothing Selfish About Suicide 
By Katie Katie Hurley  - 8-12-2014

*I'm sharing the entire article, because sometimes links break down and
do not work.  This is such important advice*   

I am a survivor of suicide. 

I don’t talk about it a lot these days, as I’ve reached the point where it feels like a lifetime ago. Healing was a long and grief-stricken process. There were times when I felt very alone in my grief and there were times when I felt lost and confused. The trouble with suicide is that no one knows what to say. No one knows how to react. So they smile and wave and attempt distraction... but they never ever say the word. The survivors, it seems, are often left to survive on their own. 

I experienced endless waves of emotion in the days, weeks, months and even years following the loss of my father. The “what ifs” kept me up at night, causing me to float through each day in a state of perpetual exhaustion. What if I had answered the phone that night? Would the sound of my voice have changed his mind? Would he have done it at a later date, anyway? Survivor’s guilt, indeed.

Sometimes, I cried. Sometimes, I sat perfectly still watching the waves crash down on Main Beach, hoping for a sign of some kind that he had reached a better place. Sometimes, I silently scolded myself for not seeing the warning signs. Sometimes, I bargained with God or anyone else who might be in charge up there. Bring him back to us. Please, just bring him back. Sometimes I felt angry. Why us? Why me? Why him?

Yes, I experienced a range of emotions before making peace with the loss. But one thought that never ever (not even for one second) crossed my mind was this ill-informed opinion that suicide is selfish. Suicide is a lot of things, but selfish isn’t one of them.
Suicide is a decision made out of desperation, hopelessness, isolation and loneliness. The black hole that is clinical depression is all-consuming. Feeling like a burden to loved ones, feeling like there is no way out, feeling trapped and feeling isolated are all common among people who suffer from depression. 

People who say that suicide is selfish always reference the survivors. It’s selfish to leave children, spouses and other family members behind, so they say. They’re not thinking about the survivors, or so they would have us believe. What they don’t know is that those very loved ones are the reason many people hang on for just one more day. They do think about the survivors, probably up until the very last moment in many cases. But the soul-crushing depression that envelops them leaves them feeling like there is no alternative. Like the only way to get out is to opt out. And that is a devastating thought to endure.

Until you’ve stared down that level of depression, until you’ve lost your soul to a sea of emptiness and darkness... you don’t get to make those judgments. You might not understand it, and you are certainly entitled to your own feelings, but making those judgments and spreading that kind of negativity won’t help the next person. In fact, it will only hurt others. 

As the world mourns the loss of Robin Williams, people everywhere are left feeling helpless and confused. How could someone who appeared so happy in actuality be so very depressed? The truth is that many, many people face the very same struggle each and every day. Some will commit suicide. Some will attempt. And some will hang on for dear life. Most won’t be able to ask for the help that they need to overcome their mental illness.

You can help. 

Know the warning signs for suicide. 50-75% of people who attempt suicide will tell someone about their intention. Listen when people talk. Make eye contact. Convey empathy. And for the love of people everywhere, put down that ridiculous not-so-SmartPhone and be human.
Check in on friends struggling with depression. Even if they don’t answer the phone or come to the door, make an effort to let them know that you are there. Friendship isn’t about saving lost souls; friendship is about listening and being present.

Reach out to survivors of suicide. Practice using the words “suicide” and “depression” so that they roll off the tongue as easily as “unicorns” and “bubble gum.” Listen as they tell their stories. Hold their hands. Be kind with their hearts. And hug them every single time.
Encourage help. Learn about the resources in your area so that you can help friends and loved ones in need. Don’t be afraid to check in over and over again. Don’t be afraid to convey your concern. One human connection can make a big difference in the life of someone struggling with mental illness and/or survivor’s guilt.

30,000 people commit suicide in the United States each year. 750,000 people attempt suicide. It’s time to raise awareness, increase empathy and kindness, and bring those numbers down.

It’s time to talk about suicide and depression.
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hurley/theres-nothing-selfish-about-suicide_b_5672519.html

Angel Print

Angel Print

by Debra Estep

2015 

Permission granted for FREE use - 8.20.2017

Transformed By the Line of a Book

Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol (book from 1843).   
My favorite movie version is
A Christmas Carol (1984)
starring George C. Scott. 
The miserly Ebenezer Scrooge is transformed..........  

 “I will honour Christmas in my heart, and keep it all year."

 I try and take Scrooge's words to heart and
KEEP Christmas in my ♥ heart ♥ ... ALL YEAR. 
*´¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤  ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥   ♥

Your Track - Your Train

Your Track - Your Train

We are born and a track of life is laid down.
(Some believe that we did not have a choice in that early track.
It is my belief that we did. Somewhere in the scheme of things,
in the before birth time, I believe that we did choose our parents
knowing what life lessons would follow.
Either way as adults we have free will to choose.)

In the very early years we follow that track.
The direction or route is planned out for us.

We grow taller in our body and mind so that we can look
down at our choo-choo track of life and observe our
train as it motors down the track.

There comes a time in everyone's life that they start
laying down their own tracks.

Every new day we are given a choice to follow the same track
we have been on, or lay down new track for your train of life to
travel down.

It is at this point where personal responsibility comes into play.

You've heard someone say, "I am this way because of my childhood"
Rise above it, literally, observe the path that the train is taking
and make the necessary choices to change what you do not like
about the direction your life is taking.

"This is the way I've always been"
I can rise above it all, but I choose to wear this blindfold
and not take responsibility to make the changes necessary
to my track to travel a different path.

You can choose to seek divine or spiritual help, or you can not.
You get to choose the scenery that you will pass by,
you get to choose the additional cars that will accompany you
on the path.
You can explain your path or track to another and receive input
as to what further track you should put down.

You get to choose the friends who are in your life and invite
them to lay down track near yours.

If you listen to someone else's description of your self,
and take that as truth, you are allowing them to lay down your track.
Observe that this may be happening and make
your own choice.

You can close your eyes and see in your mind what you would like
for your future. Plan those things as directions or goals in which
you would like to travel.

In the night time as you lay down to sleep thoughts of the day
and the track that you have traveled may roll on in your mind.
This can even interrupt your ability to fall asleep.
Call back your spirit and your thoughts.
With your eyes closed direct your mind to a peaceful place.
Picture a huge puffy cloud with you in the center floating without
effort.
Imagine yourself sitting beside a creek hearing the water flowing
gently over the rocks as you drift quietly off to sleep.

There are many different ways to look at our trains of life
and the path we travel down.
Just as the artist can choose an addition to his painting, or at any
given moment to start again, you can use the train analogy to change
the things that are not working, or to stay on the same path if they
are working.

It's your train !
(D. Estep)  Jan 2007

Friends In All Seasons

~ Friends In All Seasons ~

I will attempt to understand you,
even when you don't understand you.
I ask the same of you.

When I speak to you and attempt
to console or council you,
You may not like the words I speak,
but I will speak them in friendship,
a friendship that has a foundation
of love and caring.

It's quite easy to be friends on
a sunny bright day, when all is
well and the birds sing us their song.

It's quite another thing to have found
ourselves caught in a flash flood.
I have a tight grip on a tree
branch and our hands are gripped
together holding on, lest we be swept away.

We were placed in each other's life paths
for a reason. We have bonded by the
parallels of our lives.
I am thankful for you.

In all seasons my friend,
May you feel the embrace
of my friendship, and I yours.

Dedicated to
~Gabrielle
3-27-2004~~~ Love Deb

The Marrige Box

Lightbub Moment .....

Me thinking.... 

WOW, what a lightbulb moment. 

 Not quite the word I would 

actually use... 'tragedy', 

still... it hits home for me.

New Friend

For me being kind, or kindness is about the same as breathing.  I really don't have
to ~think~ about IT.   My family says.... Ohhh She's never met a stranger.  

I will have to say though, it comes down to treating folks the way I would like
to be treated.   Maybe it's my open nature, but people will just talk to me or tell
me things...  Take yesterday for instance, I was in a Walmart, there was a lady with what clearly appeared like 2 granddaughters, ages maybe 10 and 12.  We were in the area, near the sweet snacks... LIKE LITTLE DEBBIES.   :)   The girls were saying...  "PLEASE... PLEASE" ... I SMILED at the grandma... she said the girls were from out of town and visiting, and they don't have snacks like this. 

EVEN though, I pretty much KNEW... I said... "Are they military kids" ?
The grandma responded, "Yes, they are visiting from Germany".   I said....
"Is someone in the Air Force" ?   YES, her son-in-law.   I did not have a post card
of my Soldier and Angel with me, so we exchanged cell numbers and I sent Pam
one via a text.  What a wonderful meeting.  

Kindness - From Websters Dictionary - 1828  You read the year correctly.  1828

KINDNESS, noun [from kind, the adjective.]
1. Good will; benevolence; that temper or disposition which delights in contributing to the happiness of others, which is exercised cheerfully in gratifying their wishes, supplying their wants or alleviating their distresses; benignity of nature. kindness ever accompanies love.
There is no man whose kindness we may not sometime want, or by whose malice we may not sometime suffer.
2. Act of good will; beneficence; any act of benevolence which promotes the happiness or welfare of others. Charity, hospitality, attentions to the wants of others, etc., are deemed acts of kindness or kindnesses.

Angel Of Protection
(permission to use in any way that honors our US Military)

Meet and Greet ....

Please allow me to introduce myself....To myself ....

"Inner self" is an expression for your private inner feelings and self-awareness. The inner self is often referred to in spirituality.  Sometimes, meditation is used to awaken our consciousness and see our true inner self. Refers to the inner divinity from which the being and personality evolve. The Unconscious, the Subconscious and the Higher Self. Your inner self is the person you are inside. Like when someone asks you how you are doing, and you say "good" even though you feel crummy inside.
Your inner self is who you are not in front of others.
(quote-Answers-dot-com)

To A Loving Parent

To A Loving Parent

When the baby cries and you are tired, know that this time will pass - and when your child leaves for kindergarten you will have forgotten the difficult times.

Find, if you can, a few minutes each day just for you. Close your eyes, 
be still, rest. You deserve it.

Try to listen. Listen to the thoughts, the dreams, the anxieties, and the 
laughter your child wants to share with you.

Praise your child. Say "Wonderful!" "Thank you" and "Please". Say "I love you" and "What a good idea".   Don't say "No" when you can say "Yes!". 
Help your child become a comfortable individual.

Don't say cruel or harmful things when you are tired or angry at something or someone else. Apologize to your child when you are wrong. 
Say "I'm sorry". It will teach them to do the same.

Each day find something loving and warm to say to your child - and to yourself. Never beat a child, it only teaches that violence is acceptable behavior. 
Count to ten instead.

Find inexpensive things to do. A walk, a bus ride. Sit together, learn things together. Laugh together. Encourage your child to question, to be curious.

Share things about yourself. Let your children know you as a person, not as a parent who never makes mistakes. Let them see that you are an individual too.

Introduce your child to books. Go to the library together. Read aloud together. 
Sing songs. Paint stones.

Try to set aside one mealtime each day when each of you - children and adults - can tell the family something that happened during their day. 
You will learn a lot from and about each other.

Let your child discover and learn independence by doing things alone; and to make mistakes. Mistakes do not mean failure. We all make mistakes; it is a necessary learning process.  Let your child help in small ways.  Bed making, dishes, setting the table, feeding pets.  Don't set your standards too high.

Remind yourself that in a few short years your little one will be grown and gone - to a life of his or her own. Treasure the time you have together.  Write down funny things your child says and does. They will provide you with precious memories.

Be open to change and accept it. Change is inevitable. 
Remember that each day is a new beginning.

As best you can, help your children to grow up as happy individuals. 
It is a priceless legacy; one that will enable them to achieve adulthood 
knowing they are worthwhile and that life is good.

(Author unknown)
Don't recall where I copied these words from....
but I clearly recall when. 
1982 - My daughter Nicole was tiny.....   6 months old or less. 

I've tried to live these words.   I'm sharing them today
for the parents of all small children... 'time will move very fast'. 

***Get yourself an index box and blank cards.....
WRITE DOWN AND DATE the funny things 
your children do or say....
You will treasure the memories in years to come*** 

A Mom's Favorite Flowers
Kevin picked these for me on May 1, 2005