~ Airy ~ Light ~ Clean ~

Imagine that you have the house of your dreams and the yard to
go with it.    Just in this little moment, let’s also say that you
love to be out in your yard tending to your award winning
flower beds, and you have the time to do that.

It’s a summer morning and you are out bright and early.
Weeding, planting more flowers and adding dark rich peat moss
around your flower beds.

You’ve worked up quite a sweat, your finger nails are loaded
with a rim of dark peat.    Smudges of dirt are in the creases of
your arms, and your face is just streaked with mud and sweat lines.

You come in the house done with the mornings work.    You walk in
the bathroom, take a look at yourself and say….

“Nope, I’m not taking a shower, I’m just going to hold on to this look…..
AND SMELL !!!!!

You look at the clock and think, “Wow, I have to get to the grocery store”.

You grab your keys and out the door you go……..  Leaving the house just
as you walked in from the mornings yard work.

Could you EVER in a million years picture yourself walking out of the
house looking like this ?????

I hear a RESOUNDING…………  “Nooooooooooooo”

This little scenario is make believe --- 

But I can assure you that this is just what your ~spirit~ and insides look like
and smell like when you choose to hold on to anger and resentment.

Our spirits and souls were meant to be airy, light and clean.

Ohhhhhh yeah, all well and good in some dream world.   You don’t know what
so and so said to me.   You don’t know what so and so did to me.

In the big picture of life, it really does not totally matter what others say or do.
What matters is how we choose to HANG on and process that.

So now you know…….. you have a choice.     LET GO and clean your ~spirit~
or hold on and let it MUCK you up from the inside out.

IF your insides were visible, just what would they look like ???

Remember………
“You can never control another’s actions, you can only control your reaction”   

Help Me Honor Pfc LaVena L. Johnson

This morning I shared a Legacy link to post a message to

honor Army Private First Class LaVena L. Johnson.

http://www.legacy.com/Guestbook.asp?Page=Entry&PersonID=14603687

Needing to DO MORE to express to this family the sorrow of so

many in the loss of their daughter,  I am putting together a

condolence book.   

From a online news source I was able to locate the pastor's name

who spoke at the memorial service for LaVena.

I called the Church in Missouri and spoke to the pastor's

wife, Angela Sanders.   

She told me that the family is deeply grieving the loss

of their darling daughter.

Please send me your messages of condolence that I can share

with this family to ease their pain.

Word File Documents would be great, but email messages

are very much appreciated also.

A part of me is so outraged that I am only hearing of

LaVena's death just now, after her passing in July of this year.

I know that I can channel that emotion into something good

by creating this book to send to her family.

Thank you kindly,

Debra Estep - Twinsburg Ohio

Proud Air Force Mom

afmomdeb@gmail.com

	Lavena Johnson is shown in her 2004 Hazlewood Central High School graduation photo

---

July 20, 2005

DoD Identifies Army Casualty The Department of Defense announced today the death of a soldier who was supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Pfc. Lavena L. Johnson, 19, of Florissant, Mo., died July 19 in Balad, Iraq, of non-combat related injuries.  Johnson was assigned to the Army's 129th Corps Support Battalion, Fort Campbell, Ky.   

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Foul Play is Suspected in Solider’s Death
by Daniel R. Brown
Special to the NNPA from the St. Louis America

ST. LOUIS (NNPA) – ''The military came to my door on July 19th at 7:30 in the morning. The moment my wife looked out the window and she said ‘John, it's a soldier standing on the porch,' I knew it was bad news,'' recounted John Johnson, father of Private LaVena Johnson, 19, of Florissant, Mo. who died recently near Balad, Iraq.

She was the first female soldier from Missouri to die while serving in the current war in Iraq.

''It came totally unexpected, because she had just talked to her mother on the phone on Sunday for about an hour,'' Johnson said.

''They talked just about everything - about how crazy things were, the weather, the big spiders and the large scorpions. They just laughed and had a good time the way they always do.''
Despite the personal visit that LaVena's family received, which is standard military protocol for families of soldiers who die in the line of duty, they have many unanswered questions concerning her death, which is under investigation.

''This is what they said: ‘Your daughter died this morning of a self-inflicted wound,' '' Johnson recounted.
''I said, ‘Self-inflicted? Are you saying that my daughter shot herself?' He said, ‘No, sir, but it's being investigated.'''

After LaVena's remains were returned to the family two weeks ago, the Johnsons did some disturbing and shattering investigations of their own.
''I am going to tell you for a fact. We looked at her body and we saw some things,'' Johnson said.

''I don't want to say too much right now, but I am going to say this: I think that the investigation is a criminal investigation, and I think that there is foul play.''

At Hazelwood Central High School, from which she graduated in 2004, LaVena was known as a topnotch student.

Despite her school's large size, she stood out for her exceptional academic and extra-curricular performances. That's why it was a shock to many when during her junior year she announced her plans to join the U.S. Army following her graduation.

''It's like a conversation that I had yesterday. She said that she was going in the Army, and I was shocked because I just knew that she was going to go on to school,'' said Frank Smith, Central's principal.

''I knew her three brothers, because her three brothers graduated from Central, and I know that they went on to college and different things. I was wondering why she wouldn't pursue that.''

Her father, who served in the military for three years, provided some insight into how she reached her decision.

''She talked to me about the benefits of me going, because I went from high school to the Army. When I got ready to go to college, it did pay for some of it. When I got my first house, I didn't have to make a down payment because I was a veteran,'' Johnson said.

''So, she decided it would be a good idea for her to go into the military first, because she wanted to travel and she wanted to earn her own money to go to college. We told her that we could come up with the money to send her to school, but she said, ‘No, I want to do this on my own.'''

Based on her performance on a military aptitude test, LaVena was initially assigned to work as a chaplain's assistant. But, once the Army discovered that she did not have a driver's license, she was reassigned to weapons supply.

''The chaplain's assistant position would have been great, because she is a good Christian woman,'' Johnson said. ''That would have been perfect.''

A member of the 129th Corps Support Battalion based at Fort Campbell, Kentucky, LaVena arrived in Iraq in April 2005, just four months ago. The Johnsons, a close family of seven, remained in regular contact with LaVena while she was there.

''She talked on the phone to my wife just about every day. She emailed her sister, and they communicated on the computer often. And then, in between the two of them, I wrote her,'' Johnson said.

LaVena will be remembered by all who knew her for her big smile and her even bigger heart.   ''The point that really stands out is that, out of 2,700 kids at the school, when she walked up she had a smile on her face,'' Smith, her former principal, said.

''She was that type of child that made an impact on everyone that she came in close contact with. She was just a great child. We all were at a loss for words when we got the word that she had passed away in Iraq.''

A1C Elizabeth Nicole Jacobson

                                                               

Originally I had drawn this angel as one of protection.   

It takes on a double meaning when shared with

the family of our Fallen Heroes.

Thank you Elizabeth and all who have

given their all to ensure our freedoms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!
Mary Frye (1932)

Air Force Mom and Dad Online Support Site

"Welcome to the family"

You've said your last goodbye and your child heads off
for basic military training. They are now out of site.

For maybe 18 years, or even a bit longer in the case of
some kids who enter basic military training later in life,
you've been preparing them for this point.

What parent has not heard a 2 year old exclaim….
"I DO --- I DO" !!!!

They come into this world with a fierce determination to
do things THEIR WAY !!!!!

Our job has been to love, teach, guide and protect…
and then to LET GO.

On the day of their birth, they either popped out
or were lifted out of your body and then SNIP – they were LET GO.

You might be a Stepparent of this AF child, but you have
offered them love, teaching, guidance and protection.
Your letting go, can be just as emotional as a bio parent.

Wasn't it just yesterday you pushed them off on that
two wheeled bike… and then LET GO.

Most likely at no time in your child's life has your roll
changed so quickly and so drastically, as the day you say goodbye.

Another thing that mucks up a parent's emotions at this time is
this…..

Memories of your AF child's entire life ~FLASH~ before your mind….
You start to question….. "Was I a good enough parent" ?
"Was I too strict…. Was I not strict enough…..Should I have done
this… Should I have done that ??????

This is not a conscious choice to question or recall all of this,
it just SHOWS UP. !!!! BAMM – BAMM !!!
That triggers emotions and memories from your own life and
your own childhood, your parents and your life choices. !!!

Swirl all that above thinking around, and unless you've served in
the military yourself, you are clueless as to what to expect
will be happening in your child's life in the coming weeks.

Then smart you searches around the world wide web and you find….
The Air Force Mom and Dad site.

It's just like walking in a warm cozy cabin from a bitter cold
freezing night .
A large stone fireplace is crackling in the background.
New friends pat you on the back, and some hug you as you make
your way around the room. Tears stream down your cheeks
as you come to understand that ALL these folks have been
in your shoes, and they get what you are going through.

Right now, you might be the newbie, but in a very short time,
another parent will sign on this site and the torch will be passed.
You'll welcome them with open arms and share your stories helping
to ease their stress saying… "Welcome to the family".

oxox
Deb in Ohio
PAFM of Vinny
Posted Aug 2005

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Echo From The Past...

   

http://pdphoto.org/index.php

Free Public Domain Photo

(Shakespeare Quote from Troilus and Cressida Play Act lll Scene 3)

A Military Encounter from Today

A Military Encounter from Today 

I just returned from the grocery store. The city I live in

does not have a huge military presence. I mean we are not

near a base or any place were you commonly see military folks.

But as I pulled in my parking space, right next to

me was a truck that was HIGHLY decorated with military

decorations. It brought a smile to my face. :))

I looked in my glove box for a scrap of paper to thank this

VET for his service. I had no paper. !!!!

So....... I said a quick prayer for the driver of that truck,

and got out of my car.

I started walking towards the store and walking towards me

were an older sort of couple. The man had a hat on that

was very decorated with pins. INSTANTLY... as they were

about to pass me I asked if that was their truck.

They said YES..... And I extended my hand to thank the fellow

for his service. He then said to me.... It's my son who is in

the Army. The wife said, he just left home for his second

deployment to the sand. I told them that I was an Air Force

Mom and my son had been there and back.

We chatted for a few minutes. The fella gave me a USO card,

and said they are very involved and I should contact them

if there was anything I needed.

As we were saying bye,

I asked them their son's name.... "Paul".

I told these parents I would hold Paul in my prayers,

and ask others to do the same.

For Paul and ALL who serve... May God Bless Them and Their families.

Deb Estep - Proud AF Mom

August 26, 2005

~~~~~~~~~

Please send this on........ 

Friends ~ The Water Of Our Life

Friends ~ The Water of Our Life

Imagine you were out walking in the woods and

you had no water.  Your body aches from the thirst.

You come upon a clear crystal stream.   

To get that drink you would not grasp a tight fist.

When there are times in your life that bring you stress,
that is you bent over at the stream, hands clenched
in tight fists, attempting to drink.

You could use one hand to scoop up the water, but if you

gently put your two hands together and hold them open with
ease, you get the most water.

Friendship can be thought of in the very same way.

One hand is you, and one hand is me. 
Coming together in a gentle open way, WE get the most out of life.

Dedicated to Aileen and all that
we have shared as Air Force Moms. !!!!

With Love,

Deb
7-29-2005

Something Nice I Did For Me

                                    


I just could not pass up buying this rose for myself last week.   I always glance
at the flowers in the grocery store, and when I saw this beauty, I had to buy it.

A Mom's Favorite Flowers

A Mom's Favorite Flowers

Kevin picked these for me on May 1, 2005

(click on the picture to see it larger)

To Vinny - Call Me Sometime....

When I say call me sometime, it’s because I miss you.   
I don’t need to know what’s going on
in your life moment by moment, but I do need
to hear from you every so often.

Right now you have no idea what it’s like to be
totally responsible for your child and then one
day they are gone and off on their own.

As a parent all you can do is trust that the lessons of
childhood become the auto pilot of your adult child.

Where did the years go ? 

Wasn’t it just about yesterday you were bringing me
dandelion flowers and gifts of white lucky stones ?

Wasn’t it just about yesterday you would learning to read
and I sat patiently waiting for you to sound out each word
on your own. ?

Wasn’t it just about yesterday I could kiss away a
painful scraped knee ?

Wasn’t it just about yesterday you were fixing
your uniform for your first little league game?
(You might not remember this, but I had to wake you
up from a nap the afternoon of that game.)

Wasn’t it just about yesterday that we were at Tinker’s Creek
and you had filled up your pail of special rocks to bring home?

Well, I guess it wasn’t yesterday, but maybe yesteryear.

I miss Vinny the boy, but I am so very proud of Vinny the man.

Call me sometime….

Love Mama

The Hitchhiker by W. H. McDonald Jr.

The Hitchhiker

For several days I had a nagging feeling that I had someone special waiting for me. In fact, I couldn't get the thought out of my mind. Hebrews 13:2 kept coming to the forefront of my thoughts. It was a mantra playing in my mind, overshadowing all my other thoughts: "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers; for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."


When I went to the local bookstore, I picked up only one book. It was Linda Goodman's Star Signs. It was stacked on a lower shelf, and I had to actually stoop down to see it there. I reached down and pulled out this one particular hardback that was among dozens of other books. For whatever reason, this book acted like a magnet. I felt drawn to it. I quickly opened it at the beginning of the book, and jumping out at me was the Bible quote from Hebrews 13:2, which had been ever present in my thoughts all week long. I could not believe that the first book I picked up, on the first page I turned to, had this verse sitting right there in front of me to remind me of "my appointment."


I did not know what specifically I was to do or whom I was going to run into. I was trusting that my inner feelings would lead me to the right place and the right time to make "my appointment." I relaxed and let the thought go.


Later in the week, while at work in downtown Sacramento, I got an urge to leave work early to head home. The feelings were too strong to ignore. I left work, heading south down Highway 99. That Bible passage kept coming back to me as I drove. I knew something was about to happen, so I was on the lookout for what it might be even though I was not totally certain of what I was looking for. My feelings got stronger the farther I drove south. I felt I was about to make my appointment and very soon.


When I passed the South Sacramento Kaiser Hospital, which was only about five miles from my house, I saw a hitchhiker alongside the highway.


It was illegal to be hitchhiking on that stretch of the highway. He was not near an on-ramp, and he was standing along the highway where no one could safely pull over to give him a ride. It was obvious that this young man did not have a clue as to how to hitchhike.


I decided that I should pull over and give him a ride. It just did not feel like an optional thing to do. My feelings were very strong that this was something I needed to do. I pulled over as close to where he was as I possibly could. Even then, he had to run about 100 feet to get to my pickup truck. When he got up to my side window, I could see how young he was. I later found out he was 22 years old. He looked beat-up by the weather and life in general. He was soaked from sleeping in a field alongside the highway the night before. The rain had continued to dampen him and his spirits all day. He was wearing a short sleeve shirt, and he didn't even have a jacket. He had taken a pair of white socks and had fashioned gloves over both of his arms. It was apparent that he was trying to keep warm, but the socks were soaked, as was everything else he was wearing.


He looked in at me through my truck window, but then he pulled back with a strange look on his face when he got a good look at me. I asked him where he was heading. He replied that he was trying to get to Texas, to find his step dad. I was only going a couple more exits down the highway, but I told him to hop in the truck and I would take him a short way.


He smelled like someone who had been living out on the streets for weeks without a shower. He had a rancid body order that emanated in all directions. It was a musky, foul smell like a pile of unwashed gym clothes stuffed in a locker for months. His clothing was drenched and more than just dirty; he was filthy from head to toe. He was so cold and chilled that he was actually shaking. He did not say too much as we made it to my exit ramp. When I took the turnoff, I impulsively asked him to stay in the truck. I took him to my home so he could warm up and eat.


When we got to my house and my daughter saw the young man coming in with me, she made an expression that I knew meant she wondered what in the heck I was doing. His odor permeated the house. I showed him the bathroom where he could take a hot shower. I gave him some of my clothing to change into, tossing his spent rags in my garbage can. When he was clean and freshly dressed, I took him to my garage and pulled out my camping equipment. My thoughts were that if this kid were going to survive out on his own, he needed some basic equipment.


I pulled out a backpack and filled it with camping gear, including a waterproof tarp that he could use to make a shelter. Back in the house, I packed a wool blanket and some other comfort items into the backpack. I went through my clothing and gave him some underwear, tee shirts, sweaters, socks, extra jeans, and most important, a jacket. I also gave him an old Oakland Raider's baseball cap and a bag to carry extra food and clothing. I made sure that he was fully equipped.


He was grateful and polite when I made him lunch. He looked at me in the same way he had when we first saw each other on the highway. I asked him what he was thinking.


He told me that he had left his grandmother's house up on the northern coast of California because she had died. He had no one to turn to and no place to call home. He told me about all his time spent in foster homes and about the lousy life he had been living. He was now trying to hitchhike to Texas to see if his step dad would take him in.


He went on to tell me how he got to that place on the highway and what had happened to him the night before. He told me that the rainstorm had drenched him. He was unable to stay dry because he had no tent or rain gear. Everything he owned had been totally rain soaked. His sleeping bag was ruined, so he had thrown it away. He had no jacket or spare clothing. He went on talking, and it was easy for me to see that he was desperate and depressed. The night before, he had felt that he had absolutely nothing in his life for which to live. There was nobody in his life to help him or care about him. This caused him much inner pain. I could empathize since I'd felt this way many times during my younger years.


As he talked about his night of despair, I could tell how close this young man had come to thoughts of suicide. I thought on that night of his young life when all he wanted was to end all the suffering. He had felt so unloved and unwanted, even the weather was against him. At this point in his conversation, his eyes got that fixed look on me again.


He told me that at his very lowest point of despair the night before, he had some kind of "real-life dream," as he called it, while he was totally awake. He saw a man who looked just like I did: same clothing, same beard, hair, eyes, and voice. He believed I was the one who had been in his real-life dream the previous night. He did not understand how or why. He went on to say that "this man" came to him with a smile on his face as he reached out and said something.


I stopped his story at this point. I opened a kitchen drawer, reached in and pulled out an opened pack of sugarless chewing gum. His eyes opened wide.


"Some people have said that I have a special psychic gift. When I hand you this, you will understand more fully what happened to you last night," I said.


I reached out and put the pack of gum into his hand, and his eyes began to tear up. Why I had said and done this, I was not even sure myself, but the words just came out.


He stated that in his real-life dream, the man who looked like I did, had put the package of chewing gum into his hands. Then, the man in the dream went on to say something to him.


"And the man said that everything would be all right. God loves you," I finished his sentence for him.


The young man let out a gasp. He said that was word for word what the man in his dream had said to him. Those were the exact words that the night before gave him enough hope to continue his journey to Texas. My daughter, who had been watching all this transpire, couldn't believe all that she heard. The kitchen was very quiet for a few moments as we tried to figure out what had taken place. We had just witnessed something incredibly special. We did not have a clue as to how or what had happened or even why.


I gave the young man a hug. We got back into my pickup truck, and I drove him to the best spot to catch a ride heading south on Highway 99. I put a few dollars in his pocket and handed him a raincoat so he would be comfortable. He got out of my truck, and I watched him walk away down the road. He turned one last time to look back at me, sitting there in my truck.


"Thanks," he called out.


"Thank God," I replied.


He walked over to the on-ramp for the highway to continue his journey. I started up my truck and turned around to head home. My eyes were beginning to get moisture in them. I figured it must have been all the rain, but I knew this was much deeper. I knew God had given me a special gift that day.


That happened back in 1991, and I have been sending out prayers for this young man ever since. I do not know his name or where he is, but I know that in some strange and wonderful way our paths had crossed. Our lives have been forever changed because I listened to that voice within me. How many more strangers are waiting out there for others to discover and help? How many are "angels unawares?"

Copyright 1992 - W. H. McDonald Jr.

Used with Permission

http://www.lzangel.com/WarBook.htm

A Spiritual Warrior's Journey : The Inspiring Life story of a Mystical Warrior 

Pay It Forward

I was at a dollar store the other day, my favorite place to shop for
weird and strange items.   :)


With all my great buys in hand I went to check out.   The cashier was
a pretty young woman with blond hair.   She had on a beautiful salmon
colored sweater.    I commented on what a lovely color that was for her.
She went on to tell me that she had found the sweater for $2 on
a season clearance rack.    She then said, it's so hard to keep my
clothes nice with a 2 year old.
As we chatted some more, she told me her daughter's name is Natalie.
I then felt very compelled to ask her when Natalie's birthday was....
She reponded it was February 21. 
February 21 was my best friend Cindy's birthday.    Cindy passed away
in 2001 after a long battle with leukemia, she was 42.


My eyes just filled with tears and I explained to the cashier that Feb 21 had
been my friend's birthday.    I told her of Cindy's 3 children and how we were
childhood friends.    This young woman stepped from behind the counter
and gave me a HUG.   As I was walking away, I said, 'I won't forget your Natalie
as she has a very special birthday.'
I certainly won't forget that special young woman, this act of  kindness on her part will stay with me for a very long time.


The best we can do when we are shown a kindness and it really can't be
repaid to the person who did something for us, is to 'Pay it Forward'.


Has some act of kindness been showen to you ???


http://www.payitforwardfoundation.org/

~* IF *~

                      


                        




A few years ago I was working doing electronic assembly. There were
5 other women and myself who did the assembly. Many times I would
find myself talking privately with one person and I would say something
negative about another co-worker.
When I walked away, I would say to myself,
'WHY did you open your mouth and say that?'

My Mother's words echoed in my head...........
"IF you don't have something nice to say about someone,
don't say anything at all."

I made myself the IF sign as a reminder for myself. I taped IF to
my workbench so I could view it constantly. It really helped me.

Co-workers walked by my bench and inquired about the IF sign.
I explained it, along with Mom's words, that it was a reminder for myself.

A quite unexpected thing happened, I noticed my co-workers stopped
talking to me about other co-workers. Well, maybe that's not just the
right way to put it..... Co-workers stopped saying negative things
about other folks to me.

I left that job about 4 years ago, but on my last afternoon there
I was the last assembly person in the shop that Friday afternoon.
I made each person their own "IF" sign along with a personal goodbye
message. I heard only positive thoughts about my parting message
from all the gals I worked with.

Still......... that one little word keeps me and my thoughts about others
on track. !!!

~Always * Half Full~

It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness.


I came across this Chinese proverb many years ago.
It was the 'motto' on a piece of literature that  I picked up in
a hospital waiting room.  The literature was just a single piece of
paper, with an inspirational message printed on both sides.
There was an address where you could send to and they would
send you these 'News Notes'.  Of course I wrote to them and
received the News Notes for many years.

From the Christopher's web site, I found the following description
of this group.

The Christophers, a non-profit organization founded in 1945 by Fr. James Keller, uses print and electronic media to spread a message of hope and understanding to people of all faiths and of no particular faith. Our aim is to encourage all individuals to recognize their abilities and use them to raise the standards in all phases of human endeavor.


Over the years of my life that motto has been quite significant for me.
Those very few words totally describe my 'glass half full' life approach.


This link will take you to the Christopher's Web site.


http://www.christophers.org/homepage.html


Link to order Christophers News Notes.
They come out 10 times a year, and they are FREE. !!!


http://www.christophers.org/cnnlink.html
Another favorite and quite significant quote for me is this......



"You must be the change you wish to see in the world"
Mahatma Gandhi


Why live one's life based on a one line quote you might be thinking.
It's simple, my mind races around to a zillion different thoughts in a
days time.   But if I hold a quote or affirmation close to the surface
of my brain, then that thought or idea becomes my auto pilot
or cruise control. 

I'll give you a real life example of how I've used a quote.
More times than I care to recall, I've been the next customer in line
at the grocery store.   The customer in front of me, for whatever reason,
is giving the clerk a hard time.   You can just SEE the energy draining
from the young clerk.    When this happened to me just a few weeks ago,
the clerk called over the front end manager.   The manager appeared to be
well over 20 years older than the young clerk.   She keyed something
into the register and solved the problem.   With the nasty customer
still standing in front of her, the young clerk turned sideways and
hugged and thanked the gal for her help.    She tried to be as pleasant
as she could in handing the customer her change, but I could see her just
about biting off her bottom lip.   The customer walked off and then it was
my turn in line.
The young woman was obviously totally shook up, and also a bit angry.
I said to her, "wow, you handled that very well, and seeing you hug
your manager was really a very nice moment."


She said to me, "there is not one time that woman comes through my line
without there being SOMETHING wrong."

I went on to explain to that cashier that my daughter had been a cashier
at a CVS drug store.   How many times my 16 year old would come home
reduced to tears and upset because of some rude customers.
I then pointed to the exit door and I said to the young cashier.
"The minute a nasty customer walks out the door, you just let it go. 
Let it roll right off of you. !!!
I said to her,"If you don't let it roll off, it's like they are riding right in the front seat beside you on the way home, they continue to walk in the front door
of your house with you, and the entire rest of your evening is wrecked,
all because you took in their anger."

A very very huge smile came to this young woman's face.

And I became the change I wanted to see in the world. ! 

My Atlantic

Atlantic

To the water we are drawn.
Through the rocking motion we remember days gone by.
The time before when all were enveloped in the motherly,
water that began our life.
Before all our senses were engaged we felt that warmth and comfort.

Some sit silent before the Atlantic and wonder why relaxation comes.
They do not remember the water that brought them to this world,
nor do they make the connection.

But now you my friend know.
So sit and watch and wonder no more.
The energy radiates from the water to reactivate that which is within.

D. Estep
Bethany Beach Delaware
August 12, 1993

                                     


                                       This is the beach on my back deck.                                             My escape in landlocked Ohio.  :)

                                       


                              This picture of Ginger and my beach should
                                             give you a bit of perspective.   

                        The pictures just don't do justice to the sound of
                              the waves I hear or the scent of the ocean........
                                                But just try and imagine.   

Magnificently, Shiny, Clean Chain - ME

The very first brand new bike I ever had was one I purchased
with my morning paper route money.   It was a green 10 speed bike.
My brain seems to be failing me here, but I guess I was 16 or 17.
Thinking back on the bike what I impressed me most, well besides
the light green metallic color, was the chain.    Never before had
I seen such a magnificently, shiny, clean chain.
I recall the quiet clicking sound as I rode my bike and changed gears.
My chain moving effortlessly from sprocket to sprocket.

You see my previous hand me down bikes always had chains

that were gummed up with debris and goo.   Never a shine at
all to them.    Naturally this caused the bike not to perform
to it’s best ability.   Sometimes the chain would just pop
off the sprocket.   Definitely a performance issue.

I came upon the thoughts of my green bike while doing
a bit of thinking on the subject of self esteem.

While I’m certainly no PHD, I do have a vast amount

of knowledge about low self esteem.

Low self-esteem = debris and goo filled chain

High self-esteem = magnificently, shiny, clean chain

There is nothing that so greatly paralyzes a person

as low self-esteem.   
An individual with a low self-esteem can’t
comfortably brainstorm with themselves because they
can’t even trust the messages received from their own brain. !!!

My views of MY SELF have shifted tremendously in the past 11 years.

Credit for this shift goes to an online individual that I communicated
with for only a few months of my life.   Brian pointed out to me that
I needed to consider going into personal therapy.
My first knee jerk reaction to that suggestion was…….
NO -  NO  - NO  - NO  …

NO WAY

-  NO  HOW …. NEVER !!!!
His response was: ‘There is much less stigma attached to
personal therapy than say just a few years ago.”
My response to that was: “I’m not concerned about any stigma,
I just don’t want to go see someone and get in my brain and
muck around and have to dig up all my past life’s bull shit.”

But you know what, I took Brian’s advice.    I hooked up with
Dr Linda.     Life changing to say the least.
Dr Linda assisted me in removing the debris and goo from my chain.
She helped me to actually see what a magnificent, shiny,
clean chain I really am.

Now mind you this did not happen overnight.   I was in therapy
with Dr Linda a little over a year and all these years later, I have
to consciously keep watch over my chain.    The debris and goo
lurk ever so quietly in the background, just waiting to jump back on.

I’ve come to understand that when you have the inner
knowing of your own value, that is self worth.

I empower myself every single day when I see
the beauty of myself and I let that shine out into the world.