Float back in time with me to the fall of 1993. I was 35 years old,
the mom of 2 children ages 11 and 9, and very unhappy
in a verbally abusive marriage.
(This info is not for your pity, rather to explain my life situation)
I started seeing Dr Paul who specialized in gastrointestinal problems.
I had wrenching pains in my stomach that was later diagnosed as 4 areas
of pre-ulcer. The doc had me on medication that was helping somewhat
with the problem. I was seeing him on a monthly basis.
In the spring of 1994 I went in for an appointment and the doctor said to me....
"What do you do for fun"? I sat there and thought, "FUN - HA if you only
knew what my life was like." We ended the appointment with him
suggesting I find some sort of fun for my life.
On the drive home it dawned on me that this physical ailment was more
a manifestation of the emotional turmoil of my life.
The next month's appointment rolled around and he says to me....
"Well kiddo, what did you find fun to do"? I started out quite slowly
explaining my life situation. I said to him, "You know doc, I am thinking
that my problem is more here, (pointing to my head) than here,
(pointing to my stomach). "I would like you to refer me to a therapist."
I really dreaded going to talk to someone, not from the aspect of any
stigma of mental or emotional problems, but I did not want to have to
explain IT or get in there and dig up all of my past 36 years.
I made an appointment with the doctor that Dr Paul suggested.
I was instantly as ease with Dr Linda. Dr Linda introduced me to a set of
tapes by Dr Wayne Dyer. I've continued to read and listen to tapes by
Dr Dyer for about 11 years now. I can hardly explain to you the wonderful
impact that he has had on my life.
In the summer of 2002 after I had listened to Dyer's book,
The Ten Secrets for Success and Inner Peace, something quite
profound came to me that forever changed my life.
In his words he explains "The Wake of Your Life".....
"The fifth secret says..... give up your personal history.
I mean, don't live in the wake of your life.
The wake of a boat is nothing more than the trail that is left behind.
NO matter how hard you try, you can never drive the boat with the wake,
it's just the trail left behind.
So, too, is the wake of your life. It is just a trail left behind.
It is an illusion to believe that it is what is driving your life today.
What drives it is the same thing that drives the boat -
the present moment energy that is generated by the engine and
nothing more".
Instantly as soon as I heard him explain this I thought to myself....
"EVERYTHING that has happened in my past had to happen in
just that way to make me the person I am today".
"EVERYTHING that has happened in my past had to happen in
just that way to make me the person I am today".
That was no typo, I entered it twice because it was such a defining
moment in my life.
That realization and my understanding of that point just lifted a life time
of rocks off of my back.
I was a person nearly hunched over to the ground with all of my
past flung on my back.
The peace and serenity could be compared to losing 50 or more
pounds of weight in an instant.
That which I was choosing to carry around with me was only the wake.
The part of my life that was behind.
It would never directly control my life again.
WHAT A MOMENT THAT WAS !!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS:
I need to share with you a light hearted exchange I had with a nurse who
was doing a pre-op quesetionnaire with me prior to shoulder surgery
in 2003.
Covering my whole past medical history, I was explaining about the
stomach problems and pre-ulcers.
The nurse, in a most quizzical and almost unbelieving way said.....
"You are fine with your stomach today" ????????
"You have had no further problems"????????????
I chuckled a bit and responded.......
"Ohhhhhhhhh I divorced that problem".
It's all been a learning, and I ~Journey~ on ...
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