Bath Time

(photo courtesy - Flicker)

Bath Time

It was like all these years I brought in this huge tub,
filled it with water, warmed just right.
I lit candles all around the dark room and I bathed
and washed him. I cared for him, but his anger raged
on and on. I became the object of his rage.

The limitations he found within his own being and the
uselessness he felt towards himself intensified.
He then directed his hostility towards me.

I in turn just kept heating more water to make sure
the temperature was just right. Once I tried adding
bubbles…. he did not want the bubbles,
so I emptied the whole tub and started over.

Sometimes, but not very often, the bath was just
right and he was satisfied.

All those years there was one thing I wanted….
just once it would have been wonderful for him to have
drawn one bath for me.
It was the dream of a young woman.
That dream was crushed early on.

But still I drew his bath. Until one day when all my
life was about drained away,
I realized I no longer wanted to bathe him.

My mind cleared…. I became conscious of my own worth.

I choose not to identify me…… with him.

The Beginning
September 1994
    ~ ~ ~

It's a fitting day to share this
piece I wrote back in 1994.

Today, 29 years ago I married
my first husband Mark.

September of 1994 I decided to
file for divorce.
We were divorced in early 1995.

I've never held Mark totally responsible for our lives as

they unfolded, for I choose to stay married.
Verbal abuse can leave emotional trauma, but I feel
that my healing was advanced by the way I choose to process it all.
Growth and life lessons learned indeed. !

I am most grateful for my life today.

I'm fairly certain IF I had a high self esteem, I would
not have ended up staying married at long as I did. 

IF you happen to be in any relationship where you are not valued or where you are verbally abused.  Wishing AND praying WILL NOT make things better. 
TAKE CARE of YOU.  

~ Spirit ~ - quote

"Whatever liberates
our spirit without
giving us
self-control is disastrous."

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
1749 ~ 1832

Hawk
Twinsburg, Ohio
March 20, 2007

Glass-Haste = Pain

My dear friend, Damian over at ...
Be The Change - Tread The Path

has shared 3 stories about himself
and the life lessons he learned from
those times.
He has encouraged is readers
to blog and do the same.

Glass - Haste = Pain

There are so many chances everyday
for life lessons to be learned, but it would
appear that the bigger the gaff, the more
the lesson stays with us.

What I will relate was an event that happened
sometime in the past 4 years.
I was invited by a friend to give a talk to a
ladies church group about my involvement
in troop support.   

Being a military Mom,  I set aside my nearly
paralyzing fear of public speaking and agreed
to be their guest speaker for the night.

I had my notes well organized and the talk went
out without a hitch.

There were a few women in the group that
I had known through my younger son's
school, so for a few minutes I lingered and
spoke to them.

I stayed to be polite, but in all honesty I
wanted to scoot out of there as quickly as
I could.

I said my goodbyes and headed for the door.
By this time the light of day was giving away
to night time.

This church is one in my neighborhood,
but it's not one I attend so I was not all
that familiar with the exit doors.
I hurried for what I thought was the door.
Moving at a quick pace I put my hand up
thinking the door would give through.
Within seconds the glass wall did not move
and my nose pan caked right into the glass.

To say I saw instant stars would be a mild
way of putting it.    I was thankful I was still
on my feet and had not totally knocked myself out.
I was also thankful that not another soul had
chosen to exit at just the same time I did.

In that instant, the words that I so often
relate to my children came JUMPING in
my head....   "HASTE MAKES WASTE"

I only have to reach up to my nose,
and gently feel for the tiny lasting
bump to recall that lesson Ohhh so plainly.   

Sacred Places ~ Inside & Out

When you read the words….  Sacred Places what does your mind

conjure up?    Do you see mystical, far off unknown places that you

have never visited?   

~Sacred Places~

Sit with that for a moment…….  close your eyes and envision ~~~~~~

Do you ~know~ that you are sacred?      Smile    

Do you feel the parts of you that are so very sacred?

Your ability to offer friendship to another person…… Do you know

exactly HOW sacred that is?    WELL …… it IS.   BIG TIME.   

There are so many other facets about ourselves that are indeed,

most sacred.   You just have to BE with yourself and internally

keep them in the front to actually KNOW the parts of you

that are sacred.

Parenting is also a very sacred quest.    You have a chance to

send bits and pieces of yourself into a future that you will

never actually live in.    When you think about the scope

of parenting as ~sacred~ endeavor, it brings about a

straightening of the spine and a chance to stand just a bit taller.

My most ~Sacred~ place on Earth is a local park.

~Tinker’s Creek~



Tinker’s creek is a tributary of a major river in the Cleveland Ohio area.


The river is the Cuyahoga River.

The park itself is part of a system of Parks in the Cleveland Ohio area.

The land was set aside in the early 1900’s by a group of very progressive

thinking people who knew that the land it’s self was ~scared~ and

intended to keep it in the natural state.

Tinker’s Creek is located within the Bedford Reservation of the
Cleveland
Metroparks. 

I visited there every weekend as a child, and it’s a place that

I have taken my children to many many times over the years.

Perhaps they too have adopted – this place – as ~sacred~.

The most important thing about YOUR scared place is that

it is someplace either you can literally visit, or go to in your mind.

You might now live hundreds, or thousands of miles away

from that place…..  But in your minds eye ~ in a heartbeat you are there.

It is in that ~Sacred Place~ that you re-energize your ~Spirit~.

IF by some chance, you have never created a ~Sacred Place~…

Ohhhhhhhhh it’s not too late….. Do it now, and visit often.

Dedicated to *Our* children:

Kerri ~ Nicole ~ Vinny ~ Kevin

~ Earth Day ~ April 22, 2007

"Let The World In"

How the First Earth Day Came About

"The Miracle of Mindfulness"

This was a post I made on an Air Force Parents
support site back in early 2003.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The Miracle of Mindfulness"

This is no magic wand that we can wave to disperse STRESS
from our lives. If that were the case, I'd be your fairy godmother
and take it ALL AWAY. :) Bippiti -- boppiti -- BOOP

But what I can do is offer some words to you in hopes that
IF you embrace them and the precepts, you will find
moments of peace.

Many of us in these times turn to God in prayer.
'Dear God, help me to process this' 'Amen'
I have no doubt that GOD does help us in a BIG WAY,
but we are responsible for the MOMENTS of our lives.

The Miracle of Mindfulness,
by Thich Nhat Hanh was a very important book
in my life journey.
I would like to present this to you as a quickie version of the
concepts of mindfulness, but for further understanding I highly
recommend
you pick up a copy of this book for yourself.

Answer this question with ALL honesty ....
How many times have you been behind the wheel of your
car, driving down the street and you pass under a traffic light.
Almost immediately you say...
"Ohhh MY GOSH" ... "Was that a green light or a red light" ???
IF you answer honestly, I think you might say...
"WOW", I have no idea what color that light was."

The reason is.... a loss of momentary mindfulness. !!!
You were 100 million miles away.
It happens ALL the time, many times in a day.

Have you seen the movie the Karate Kid ?
Mr Miyagi, the wise teacher has Daniel, the kid, wax the car.
Over and over he says....
"Wax on, Wax off". The purpose of that 'mantra' is to keep
ones mind on the task at hand.

Mindfulness is about developing a continuous awareness of all the
tasks
we do and the thoughts we have during the course of a day.
The mindfulness comes in when your awareness is held to the moment
of each task you are doing.

In the morning when you make your coffee, and have your breakfast,
you hold your mind to the task you are doing.
It is as IF you are doing this task for the very first time.
Actually feeling the items you are touching and processing
everything in just that moment.
All through the day, paying direct attention to what you are doing.

I explained the ideas of mindfulness to my coworkers.
So many times I when I was at work my mind wandered away.
I was house cleaning, grocery shopping, DOING all the things
in my mind that needed to be done in the future.
It's no wonder you get home from work and just don't feel\
like doing some tasks. How many times did you do them
over and over in your mind without even noticing where
your thoughts were.
There is a huge difference between planning out mentally what
you are going to do, and allowing your mind to aimlessly wander
off and do those things.

We have all said, "I'll just keep myself busy and that will get me
through this time." It will get you through, but if you are not
aware, even when you are busy your mind will be racing along
to other things. If, you do not hold your attention to the moment.

In ending I would like to say.....
You will NOT read my posting here one time and have
a full and complete command of mindfulness.
It will take your attention and practice.
Look how many years your mind has been
on vacation. Ha, no wonder it's going to take some time
to really embrace this into a daily practice.

When I first started to 'practice' mindfulness,
I made myself small cards that said.....
"Wax on Wax off" "breath in breath out".

I had one at work, one on the kitchen frig, one in my car.
These were reminders to myself to be mindful of the moment.
If I caught my mind wandering away, I repeated those
lines to myself I could actually feel my whole body relax.
I then returned physically and mentally to the moment, experiencing
totally just what I was doing at the time.

I think I am going to print out a copy of this for Vinny.
These would be great words of wisdom to send to him. !!!
Of course he has heard me speak of this, but I am not so sure
that it is a part of him.

(by the way... The Karate Kid movie made it's debut in 1984,
just like my Vinny)

Quotations - Magical Words

An inspirational quote is the

~*~    Fairy Dust   ~*~

that magically

allows me to

grow wings

and rise

above

the

BS

of

~ Life ~

Ohhhhhhh my

don't you have

a beautiful set of wings too.

This is a photo I took on a flight out West.

I just added the ~dust~.  ;)

"My Final Blog Post" - Not really - It's a tagged exercise

I’ve been tagged by * Damian - Be The Change * to answer the
challenge set by The Urban Monk and his Blog Apocalypse –
you can find Damian's answer here.

The 'Blog Apocalypse' mission

"The blogosphere is ending. No more blogs. Blog apocalypse.
The internet is still working, the world is fine.
But you can’t write anymore.
Write your last post. Make it a good one. What is the reason you blog? What is
the last gem of knowledge you want to leave?
What do you want to be remembered for?
Who are you? What is the meaning of life?
Haha…well not exactly but you get the point.
Pour your heart into it."

Albert - The Urban Monk will also donate money to charity for each article -

There will be a whole lot of linking LOVE from this and ALSO Albert's donation

and giving back.   WOW !!!!!!!!!

”She had to find it out for herself”

Nearly everyone has seen the movie,

The Wizard Of Oz.    Perhaps not just one time,

but many many times.
 

There are deep life messages

that could be gleaned from this movie.   

For me, the greatest one is the line….

”She had to find it out for herself”

   

INSIDE, Dorothy always had the ability to return to Kansas.

As you journey on in this world, you must

first know that you always hold the ability.

When you live life true to yourself, that is when you

too will return to your OWN Kansas.

Dorothy: Oh - will you help me? Can you help me?

Glinda:  You don't need to be helped any longer.

You've always had the power to go back to Kansas.

Dorothy: I have?

Scarecrow:  Then why didn't you tell her before?

Glinda:  Because she wouldn't have believed me.

She had to learn it for herself.

Tin Man:  What have you learned, Dorothy?

Dorothy:  Well, I - I think that it - that it wasn't enough

just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em. And that it's
that - if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again,

I won't look any further than my own backyard,
because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.

Is that right?

Glinda:  That's all it is !

Scarecrow:  But that's so easy!  I should have

thought of it for you.

Tin Man:  I should have felt it in my heart.

Glinda:  No. She had to find it out for herself.

Now those magic slippers will take you home in two seconds.

Dorothy:  Oh Toto, too?

Glinda:  Toto, too.

Nerotransmitter ~ZING~

It's not very often that a writer makes two posts to their blogs

in one day, but I could not let this one go even one more day.

Did you just read Springtime In Winter ?

Great - I'll tie that all together in this post.

A couple of days ago, I was listening to the audiobook

Dr Wayne Dyer - The Secrets Of The Power Of Intention.

( audio CD - March 1, 2004 )

This was about my upteenth time to be hearing the CD.

Dyer is speaking on the effects of kindness.

He goes on to tell of a study that was done on the neurotransmitter, serotonin.
He describes it as a 'feel-good' hormone.

The study showed levels of serotonin (which are measurable in blood) are elevated
when a person is the recipient of an act of kindness,

or even in the observation of an act of kindness.

So..... just right now after reading my post about Springtime In Winter

your body is ~ ZINGING ~ with an extra dose of serotonin......

Whoooo who  !!!

Hearing Dyer speak of this, also reminded me of a TV advertisement for

Liberty Mutual Insurance I had first seen last year.

The ad goes on to show one act of kindness after another.

I now realize WHY that ad affected me in such the positive way that it did.

It’s the serotonin ~ZING~.

The song, 'Half Acre' playing in the background of the ad is by the

group HEM.

I also went and hunted down the lyrics just in case anyone was interested.

Half Acre

(By Don Messe)

I am holding half an acre
Torn from the map of Michigan
And folded in this scrap of paper
Is the land I grew in

Think of every town you've lived in
Every room you lay your head
And what is it that you remember

Do you carry every sadness with you
Every hour your heart was broken
Every night the fear and darkness
Lay down with you

A man is walking on the highway
A woman stares out at the sea
And light is only now just breaking

So we carry every sadness with us
Every hour our hearts were broken
Every night the fear and darkness
Lay down with us

But I am holding half an acre
Torn from the map of Michigan
I am carrying this scrap of paper

That can crack the darkest sky wide open
Every burden taken from me
Every night my heart unfolding

Dedicating this post to my UK pal - Damian...

sending you the ~ZING~ all the way across the pond.  Wink

Springtime In The Winter

We've lived in our house coming on 7 years. 

The neighbors directly behind us are Roger and Joyce.

Roger is retired and Joyce works part time

at the local Hallmark card shop.     I've  have come

to know Joyce more through my card shop visits than

actually from backyard conversations.

Roger takes meticulous care of their yard and my

encounters with him are more of the friendly wave

from yard to yard.

They have 3 very large Maple trees and a couple of

oak trees on their property.   I admire those trees through

just about every season, but Fall.    Fall is exactly what

tons of leaves do.   It was late in Fall of last year and

the leaves lay about Roger's yard.    I commented to

my hubby that something has to be wrong with Roger.

Leaves would not go unattended IF everything were okay.

I found out through another neighbor that Roger was on

the mend from a back surgery.    He had extensive repair

to his lower disks.

A few weeks had past and we were now in the month

of December.   I stopped in the card shop and spotted

Joyce.   We talked about Roger and she said he was kind

of down being confined to the house and also that there

was so little he could do while mending.

I asked her for their last name and address and said

I would send him a note.

More time past and it was now late January.   For me,

snow up until December and through Christmas seems

nice and seasonable.    When it drags on into January it's

then that a toll can be had on one's spirits.

I thought about Roger and thought, 'What can I do for

a little uplift for him'?

I purchased a large white poster and quickly painted some

colorful spring flowers on the poster.

I then took a photo of the poster and made a card to

send to Roger.     The card said.... 'Pretty soon you will be seeing

Spring right out your back door'. 

The backsides of our homes face one another.   With

the leaves off of the trees they have a view of our back deck.

I covered the poster in clear plastic wrap and I let a couple of

days pass from when I mailed the card until I hung the poster

from the rails of our deck.

Several weeks had passed and the poster had stayed fresh

looking despite the ongoing snow fall.   

I was in the Hallmark store and Joyce said to me.....

"How lovely the flowers looked from their back window".

She told me that it took sometime before they realized I had

hung it up just for them.     Her words were, 'I said to Roger one

day, Deb must have hung that up just for us, because they

can't see the flowers from their window.'

I think the realization of it being a poster FOR THEM, stunned

them a little bit, but in a very good way.

A 99 cent poster - a little bit of time and creativity - and

the uplifted ~Spirits~ of my neighbors.....   PRICELESS.   

It ... Changes EVERYTHING !!!

Just imagine for a moment that you had a hand in the choosing

of the people that you have come to know in this life time. 

I am not speaking of picking different ones right now, I am saying

that before you incarnated you had a soul meeting with other

souls and you all decided.

The biggest choice would have been your parents.   They are

the ones who not only pass along genetic traits to you, but also

they form the environment in which you grew up. 

Parents are then instrumental in the formation of the person

you are today.

Whether or not you had a picture perfect childhood, or one

of struggle and pain, it all plays a hand in the person that

you have become.

Brother and sister choices would also be profoundly

important, as would the choice of mate and your own children.

The same could be said of having no siblings, no mate,

or no children of your own – the choice is still very important.

Friends too can have a huge impact, as can strangers that

you encounter who’s meeting seem random, yet at the same

time preordained.   

If I have not lost you in this imagination exercise,  and you are

still thinking whole heartedly about this,  how would it change

your thought processes towards the people of your past and

even your present.?

How could you hold anger and be unforgiving of a person

IF you knew full well you picked them for this life adventure ?

Okay, so you are thinking … “Why on Earth would I ever

pick that awful no good first husband”?

Hmmm I think you just answered the question within

your own question. !!!

It did not happen on EARTH.    It, the arrangements

happened in the before ‘Earth’ time.

The greatest spirit growth and advancement of your soul

happens under less than perfect conditions. 

The ingredients that make steel don’t just sit on a

sun drenched beach with the waves licking the sand and

automatically turn to steel.

The change happens when the ingredients are forged

in fire.    Those ingredients then go from a simple compound

to something much, much stronger.   

I also believe that there is a ~Divine Source~ who plays

a part in the order of the universe - perhaps She picks

the soul groups to begin with.

I hope you won’t read this and with a knee jerk, just

dismiss the idea entirely.

I really hope and pray that you will let it sit with you for awhile.

Think about it – let it seep into your * soul * and * wonder *....

If you do – I can assure you that --- IT --- changes EVERYTHING !!!

AND........ if you don't quite learn enough on this trip...

I think you'll even book a return flight.   :)

I Hope You Meet Some "Friends" Today

Kevin, my 10 year old, and I were at our local library yesterday.

On the way out, we stopped to scan the books on the freebie shelf.

Folks leave books or magazines in that area to share.

There were 2 ladies talking behind us at a distance of less than

3 feet away.    I knew they were talking but my mind was not cued in

to actually hear their words….

That is until we turned to leave and I heard the one woman say….

“People are just more WEIRD today than they ever were” !!!

That line of hers just hit my funny bone and I turned back and

laughed out loud.    The woman said………. ‘See you agree too’.

I joined in and said………  ‘I’m not so sure IF people are weirder,

or IF we just hear more about it, with the media and all.”

Between the 3 of us, the very pleasant conversation quickly skipped

to several different topics and then on to the military.   

The one lady told me of her brother having served in the military and

I explained of my military connection with Vince my Air Force son.

(ops – I think I left off that I am also an Air Force Mother in law…

Vince’s wife Dana)

I reached in my pocket to share with them a copy of my Angel
and Soldier drawing.    I always carry a several with me to ~share~.   
It’s an Angel of Protection and the card also has my
name and email address on it.

As I was handing them the cards, I extended my hand and said….

“Ohhhhhh my name is Debra and it’s nice to meet you”

The one woman grabbed her mouth and sucked air a bit…..

It stopped me for a second from shaking the first ladies hand and

I said………’okay which one of you is a Debra too ?

She proceeded to say……….  ‘She’s Debra and my name is Denise’.

I then shook Debra’s hand, and then went to shake Denise’s hand,

and she instantly moved forward for a warm hug.   

We did not even talk for longer than a couple of minutes, but

I really have not been the same since meeting Debra and Denise.   

I’ve felt like I am walking on a cloud.   

It’s absolutely amazing what the exchange

of positive energy can do. !!!!!!!!

Denise and Debra felt it too....  Denise blessed me,

and I said the same back to them.

This happens to me more times than I can tell you…

I honestly KNOW there are no strangers in the world,

only friends I have yet to meet.   

Kevin and I went on to the grocery store AND we saw Debra

in the parking lot a row over.    We waved like long lost friends.

I hope you meet some “friends” TODAY.   They are

out there, just waiting for you to join in their life.

   

Your Meaningful Money Makeover - Tag

Slade tagged me with this assignment……

Your Meaningful Money Makeover

I want to hear about YOUR Money Makeover.

Read about Morgana’s Exercise and consider the following in your story:

• Who’s the Old Money?



• Who’s the New Money?



• What’s THE one thing — the overarching Message —



• your New Money advises you to do to invite Meaningful Abundance into your life?

Writing it down will help you to manifest the change you wish to see.

If you already have a blog, consider yourself TAGGED with this writing assignment.

• Write a post about your Money Makeover



• link back to this post



• You might also leave a comment here letting us know where to find your Money Makeover article

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

I had NEVER dreamed of personifying money.    This ‘assignment’

was given by Slade back on March 24.    I’ve had it on the back burner due

to a couple of reasons.    First off, I knew it was going to take some deep

personal reflection to DIG in and find my thoughts.    Secondly, ~ life ~

jumped in front of me, and my attention needed to be focused there. 

Old Money Profile

Early on in my life I had the fortune of an association of money
through my own personal employment.   (around the age of 10)
There was nothing like a morning newspaper route to develop
character and a strong work ethic.    My first venture started out
partnering with my 2 brothers.    The Cleveland Plain Dealer is
a morning newspaper that is published 7 days a week, 365 days
a year.   The daily paper was to be delivered by 5:30AM and the
weekend paper a little bit later.    I actually enjoyed getting up
early and being out in the day – AND I was getting paid for it.

I branched out from the family and a dear friend, Cindy and
I took up our own morning paper route.   

So, IF I was to make a personification of this old money….
hmmm what would that be. ???

I don’t know IF I am not creative enough to tune in and
pick out something to use as a personification to my old money,
or the bigger thing is that it’s just past and I leave the past there.

Slade SAYS:

The Personification of Money is a critical spiritual exercise, for a few reasons:

• You interact with Money as deeply and as often as any living person you know



• You believe in Money as much or more than you do your God, your Guardian Angels, your Spirit Guides (at least, you certainly behave as if you do — you think about Money everyday; do you think about your spirit everyday?)



• No abstract concept has a greater tangible effect on your life



• Many of the techniques required to personify and talk to Money come from the same head space that you must employ to communicate with your spirit guides



• Money / Abundance is one of the oldest, most enduring relationships you have



• Your relationship with Money is most likely to remain dysfunctional, because you don’t treat it as a relationship that can be improved upon

New Money Profile

I can think about and conjure up a New Money Profile.  
My New Money personification will be a new dear friend.    In
creating this friend, I shall name her Lady GreenSleeves.

As with any friendship, you can’t just expect it to flourish with out
input and attention.   Green, is also my favorite color, and the
melody of the song GreenSleeves is one of my favorites too.
Not to mention the association of green – with money. 

Lady GreenSleeves and I will begin a personal journal.   

This assignment has certainly NOT been lost on me.   Thank you
Slade for encouraging me to direct my thinker to a more personal
relationship with ~money~. 

Come along My Lady…. The adventure begins.