(photo courtesy - Flicker)
Bath Time
It was like all these years I brought in this huge tub,
filled it with water, warmed just right.
I lit candles all around the dark room and I bathed
and washed him. I cared for him, but his anger raged
on and on. I became the object of his rage.
The limitations he found within his own being and the
uselessness he felt towards himself intensified.
He then directed his hostility towards me.
I in turn just kept heating more water to make sure
the temperature was just right. Once I tried adding
bubbles…. he did not want the bubbles,
so I emptied the whole tub and started over.
Sometimes, but not very often, the bath was just
right and he was satisfied.
All those years there was one thing I wanted….
just once it would have been wonderful for him to have
drawn one bath for me.
It was the dream of a young woman.
That dream was crushed early on.
But still I drew his bath. Until one day when all my
life was about drained away,
I realized I no longer wanted to bathe him.
My mind cleared…. I became conscious of my own worth.
I choose not to identify me…… with him.
The Beginning
September 1994
~ ~ ~
It's a fitting day to share this It was like all these years I brought in this huge tub,
filled it with water, warmed just right.
I lit candles all around the dark room and I bathed
and washed him. I cared for him, but his anger raged
on and on. I became the object of his rage.
The limitations he found within his own being and the
uselessness he felt towards himself intensified.
He then directed his hostility towards me.
I in turn just kept heating more water to make sure
the temperature was just right. Once I tried adding
bubbles…. he did not want the bubbles,
so I emptied the whole tub and started over.
Sometimes, but not very often, the bath was just
right and he was satisfied.
All those years there was one thing I wanted….
just once it would have been wonderful for him to have
drawn one bath for me.
It was the dream of a young woman.
That dream was crushed early on.
But still I drew his bath. Until one day when all my
life was about drained away,
I realized I no longer wanted to bathe him.
My mind cleared…. I became conscious of my own worth.
I choose not to identify me…… with him.
The Beginning
September 1994
~ ~ ~
piece I wrote back in 1994.
Today, 29 years ago I married
my first husband Mark.
September of 1994 I decided to
file for divorce.
We were divorced in early 1995.
I've never held Mark totally responsible for our lives as
they unfolded, for I choose to stay married.Verbal abuse can leave emotional trauma, but I feel
that my healing was advanced by the way I choose to process it all.
Growth and life lessons learned indeed. !
I am most grateful for my life today.
I'm fairly certain IF I had a high self esteem, I would
not have ended up staying married at long as I did.
IF you happen to be in any relationship where you are not valued or where you are verbally abused. Wishing AND praying WILL NOT make things better.
TAKE CARE of YOU.
I'm fairly certain IF I had a high self esteem, I would
not have ended up staying married at long as I did.
IF you happen to be in any relationship where you are not valued or where you are verbally abused. Wishing AND praying WILL NOT make things better.
TAKE CARE of YOU.
No comments:
Post a Comment